[ All of this feels so odd, talking to an effective stranger about such personal matters. It takes him a moment to figure out how to proceed, but…he pushes through, regardless. ]
My partner and I have an open relationship. We both agreed to this early on, with the understanding that we could see other people if we chose, while still being committed to each other.
I have not taken advantage of this because I find it…difficult. To open myself to other people in that way. My partner finds it much easier, but that is…one of the things I appreciate about him.
[ Godric is free with his affections in a way Archer very much isn’t. He opens the journal to the relevant page — one of the first entries. ]
Not long after our last appointment, he was telling me about someone he liked well enough to take as a partner. Knowing the person myself, I had no objections. But then my partner…mentioned to me…that this third person also liked me in the same way he likes me. [ A beat. ] I did not react well.
We talked through it, but the same thought I had when he introduced the idea to me has persisted. And I had to spend a great deal of time on this entry.
[ He pushes it over to Sheehan, and as he said, the page is date. It reads as follows: ]
Thought: I don’t deserve kindness from others.
Why? Because I have done terrible things. Because I still hate myself. Because I never thought I mattered and still don’t, even though the people in my orbit would protest to the contrary.
Feelings fear of gaining and then losing fear of causing hurt or being hurt in turn general dislike for vulnerability of any kind
no subject
My partner and I have an open relationship. We both agreed to this early on, with the understanding that we could see other people if we chose, while still being committed to each other.
I have not taken advantage of this because I find it…difficult. To open myself to other people in that way. My partner finds it much easier, but that is…one of the things I appreciate about him.
[ Godric is free with his affections in a way Archer very much isn’t. He opens the journal to the relevant page — one of the first entries. ]
Not long after our last appointment, he was telling me about someone he liked well enough to take as a partner. Knowing the person myself, I had no objections. But then my partner…mentioned to me…that this third person also liked me in the same way he likes me. [ A beat. ] I did not react well.
We talked through it, but the same thought I had when he introduced the idea to me has persisted. And I had to spend a great deal of time on this entry.
[ He pushes it over to Sheehan, and as he said, the page is date. It reads as follows: ]
Thought: I don’t deserve kindness from others.
Why?
Because I have done terrible things.
Because I still hate myself.
Because I never thought I mattered and still don’t, even though the people in my orbit would protest to the contrary.
Feelings
fear of gaining and then losing
fear of causing hurt or being hurt in turn
general dislike for vulnerability of any kind