His breath catches in his throat in a bad way and he has to look away. Sometimes, he wishes he could just be normal about this shit, and it would make things easier.

He has to take a few steps back, scrubbing his face and his hair as if he can delete the invasive thought that just shot through his mind and groans.

"Fuck. Don't- Don't say it like that. Or I'll start dragging my feet." He's still got David's letter in his pocket and that to him is a promise, to cross the finish line more, and yet he knows if that will shorten the time, he'd try not to.