heyboss | IC Inbox

"Okay," he nods. "I'm- relieved you know that. I've hurt him before, I'm sure."

And Arthur has hurt him, but he doesn't care about that. Not today.

"So what is this about?"

"I wanted you to know that. So you don't... worry."

And now this is the part he's been worried about, but the part he... he has to say.

"But if you hurt him... more than that. If you're... careless with him. Or you... abandon him-" The words are measured and deliberate, right up until then and it's clear there's something that almost seems to shake the air in an unnatural way.

But then he continues in that same measured and deliberate tone. "Don't do that."

Sheehan actually shivers a little at the last part, partly because of John, but partly because of how awful it feels to even think about doing that.

"John. What I feel for Arthur - I haven't felt it before. Not with anyone at home. And I know that Arthur's life has been complicated." Arthur had told him part of it. Part of the pains and hurts and grief of his life, and he knows there's more.

"I wouldn't have said what I did, I wouldn't be working so hard to make him feel safe and wanted and loved, to fathom doing anything of the sort. But - I know you love him and he loves you, so the protection is - well, I appreciate it. It's unnecessary, but I don't mind."

"If I didn't think that was the case, I would have been much more explicit."

That was the gentle version for people he likes and trusts not to fuck it up.

Sheehan nods. Again, he appreciates it. "And how are you personally about all of this, John? I admit that I left it to Arthur, but I've been worried about it."

"He's the other half of me. As I'm the other half of him."

He's known that, and now he knows that Arthur knows it too, feels the same way. That means-

"What you are to him is different from what I am to him. As long as you understand that I'm not going anywhere, I don't have any concerns."

"Alright. But John, I want you to know something, too. I like you. I like you separately from Arthur, not only because you two are a package deal. I like you for you. And I like talking to you."

He lights his cigarette. "This whole situation is complicated. I still have Una and she's not going anywhere. Arthur has you. But as long as there's some communication, I think we'll be alright."

That has him pausing. Hmm. More complication.

"And how does Una fit into things?"

He knows how he fits into things.

"Una's with me. We've been dating for a while, but she's - " He frowns, trying to explain it. "She's not like anyone I've ever met. She pushed me to talk to Arthur. To confess my feelings. She's guiding me through this very - strange situation."

"And Arthur is aware that... you intend to be with both of them."

Sorry, Sheehan, he's learning.

"I should hope so," he says with a laugh. "I actually need to sit and talk to Arthur. We didn't have much to talk about regarding our relationship after the breach. It was - it was emotional for him. And I wasn't sure until that moment that he even wanted anything more than friendship. Or wanted to try for it. Before the breach, we had just decided that nothing would change."

Here, John decides that it isn't violating any kind of trust to say-

"He needed to see it. He was probably too scared of it before then. For many reasons."

"He told me about Faroe," he says softly. "And I know his wife died giving birth to her. I know he was in love with Parker. I know some of the hurts in his life, and I know there are more I don't know. But - I don't want to contribute to them. I didn't want to push him, so I let him go at his pace, whatever that looked like."

This is much much closer to the edge. But this was his choice. And his deal. And if Sheehan knows about both of them, then he should know this too.

"You should be careful using her name. Or speaking about his business to me."

They are what they are, but he also knows how very very seriously Arthur takes his privacy. Seriously enough that he pauses before-

"...did he tell you they're both alive?"

"I'm only telling you things I know for a fact you already know. And I know better than to bring her up, John. But we can't walk eggshells around everything."

He shakes his head at the news.

"I didn't know that." He looks away. "And I still don't."

"It was part of my deal," he says firmly. "Which is the only reason I feel like I can say anything about it. Because he told you about her. But you should know that."

Sheehan pauses a moment, thoughtful. He runs his tongue along his teeth, putting the timing together.

"That must have been the night he got blackout drunk and hit me," he says with a surprised sort of sigh. "Fuck. I asked him about that and he didn't want to answer me."

One of the only gestures he can manage is a slow nod and he's using it here.

"Probably. It was the last time he was... not at his best that wasn't a death toll."

He leans forward and scrubs the hand holding his cigarette through his hair. "Fuck," he repeats, staring at the floor.

"Thanks for telling me, John," he manages to say.

"Of course," he says. And then, after a moment-

"If he gets upset, you didn't ask. I told you. Unprompted."

He's not asking you to take the heat for his choices.

"I don't want to put any blame on you, John," he says softly. "We went into this conversation together. I brought it up first."

"It's not about blame. It's about a decision I made. And a decision I had the right to make."

He nods. "Alright, John."

He has no intention of throwing him under the bus for it, if it comes up, because he has no intention of it ever coming up.

Instead, he takes a drag of his cigarette and leans back. "I really do appreciate you coming here and telling me all of this, you know."

Yeah, he can tell that first one. And he's wobbly hand on the second. But-

"Good. I thought it best to be... clear."

"No, that's the right thing to do," he assures him. "And I'm sure Arthur would appreciate it, if he knew. How much you care about him."

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