“I read. I knit. Sometimes I bake. I have a cat, and she’s been helpful to me at times. I also have my partner, of course, and sometimes we go to the Enclosure or watch films together.”
“Because the noise, everything behind the…door I mentioned is still there. Worse sometimes than when I closed it. And stopping long enough to…do those things. Appreciate those things. Means I have open it.”
And then, it’s like there’s screaming inside his head.
"That takes a lot of effort," he observes, though there's a question to it as well. He never wants to put words in Archer's mouth, but he wants to ensure that he understands.
“My partner helped me through the last episode. And though I have had…worse moments…and have reacted worse to others trying to help me in the past… I would like to think I can…still learn how to manage things better.”
He’s never going to be completely all right. Archer simply can’t grasp the idea of any iteration of himself where he isn’t always dogged by his past to some degree. But he doesn’t want Godric to be the only thing that brings him back when he goes so far away.
"I think you can do that, Archer. I really do. I'd like to help you, if you do decide to come back. I think what we can work on is getting through your triggers, the environmental factors that happen just before. If we can start to work on stopping it before it happens, then that will help."
He writes in his book. "How often does this happen?"
"Events like those normally only occur once or twice a year. I'll have been here almost four years in a few months, and I can count on one hand how many times it's happened."
"No, I can't predict it. I meant...I have spent enough time thinking about each incident that I understand why I reacted the way I did in each case. In retrospect."
If he had the gift of foresight, avoiding these situations would be much easier.
"The Barge is unpredictable. There is no way to be completely prepared for things that happen here and how we will be affected by them."
"No, but recognizing when those triggers happen and preparing for them now can be helpful. It's a process, of course. And with it happening infrequently, it means you'll be able to get a lot of practice in before the next time."
He puts a hand on the file. "Next time, let's talk about what those specific triggers are for you. I want to be able to read this and understand what you're talking about, so why don't we break here?"
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"You said that you got better with rest? What does rest look like for you?"
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“I read. I knit. Sometimes I bake. I have a cat, and she’s been helpful to me at times. I also have my partner, of course, and sometimes we go to the Enclosure or watch films together.”
Wholesome, old man things.
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“Because the noise, everything behind the…door I mentioned is still there. Worse sometimes than when I closed it. And stopping long enough to…do those things. Appreciate those things. Means I have open it.”
And then, it’s like there’s screaming inside his head.
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"So you need someone to help you through it now."
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“My partner helped me through the last episode. And though I have had…worse moments…and have reacted worse to others trying to help me in the past… I would like to think I can…still learn how to manage things better.”
He’s never going to be completely all right. Archer simply can’t grasp the idea of any iteration of himself where he isn’t always dogged by his past to some degree. But he doesn’t want Godric to be the only thing that brings him back when he goes so far away.
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He writes in his book. "How often does this happen?"
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A pause.
"I know why it happens, though."
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If he had the gift of foresight, avoiding these situations would be much easier.
"The Barge is unpredictable. There is no way to be completely prepared for things that happen here and how we will be affected by them."
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He puts a hand on the file. "Next time, let's talk about what those specific triggers are for you. I want to be able to read this and understand what you're talking about, so why don't we break here?"
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A pause.
“Do you want to call me or should I call you?”
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Archer rises from his chair.
“I apologize in advance for all the nonsense you’re going to have to read.”
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There's a touch of humor in his voice. He knows the bullshit that's in there, thank you very much.
"I'll see you next week."