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"That's a hard thing to explain," he mutters with a nod. "But if he doesn't like you, that's his right. Unfortunately. We cannot make people forgive, even if we regret what we did deeply every single day." He holds John closely. "You cannot make everyone love you as we do. But we will not leave you for that."

But I don't want Arthur to have to be between. Or to feel as if he has to choose a side.

That hadn't gone so well lately. He knows what he feels and what he thinks, but it had still hurt.

Sheehan frowns. "Has that - been a problem before? I thought you two typically had different friends."

Oh.

Not with Arthur. There was some issues with Edwin and Charlie.

He nods and scoops up the cat again and walks to his bedroom, setting him on the bed. "Tell me about it?"

He disappears into his bathroom to change.

He doesn't wait, since it's not like one needs to be close for him to send a message.

Charlie had some unfortunate dealings with the King in Yellow half that was Edwin. I don't want to say more since it isn't my place. So Charlie didn't believe that Edwin was Edwin and thought he was fucking with people to trick them. Edwin got annoyed that Charlie kept reminding him of who he used to be and not believing him. Charlie trusts me, though, because I make sure he *can* and because we were friends in his timeline.

Then Edwin did this whole thing where he convinced himself of a whole bunch of shit I never said or told him and he didn't talk to me about it even though I *asked* him and he lost his shit when I was... with... Charlie.

...did Arthur tell you about any of that?

[ Beat. ]

I know I scared him a little when I went to sleep in his shirt pocket afterwards.

"He didn't," Sheehan says as he walks back out, stumbling a little to the bed and sliding down onto it. The benefit is that now John gets full pets. "So what did you and Edwin do next?"

He doesn't even seem surprised at John's implied sexual adventures. Good for him.

Full pets and bedroom cuddles are very good. The purring is going to get a little louder for a moment and he might pad up to nuzzle under Sheehan's chin.

Edwin busted my door open and yelled at me about loving someone who hated him. I told him Charlie didn't hate him, he hated the King in Yellow, and that I'd loved Charlie for a long time so I didn't know why fucking him made this any different. And then he tried to make me choose between them and I told him that he could fuck off and no one was going to make me choose.

Then he left and I felt

Bad

And I wanted to sleep once Arthur was there to hold me so I did.

"An actual sleep?" he wonders, surprised but at least not slurring his words. "Charlie isn't the only person you love, though. He's simply the first Edwin has taken offense to?"

He closes his eyes.

"Can you turn out the lights?" He's not ready to sleep, but he is ready for cuddles and bed.

There's a little meow before the lights turn off and the cat is going to nuzzle up against Sheehan's cheek and shoulder.

Yes.

And no, he isn't. Edwin was upset because he thought I agreed with Charlie even though I've said every time that Edwin is the least like the King in Yellow. He doesn't remember anything and I never want him to have that burden. I do so he doesn't have to.

I told him I wasn't choosing so he chose for me, or that's what he said at first. We talked about it later and I pointed out that he basically believed I was a shitty person for no reason and it was shitty of him to do that to me.

He curls around him a bit, humming in thought as the world tilts pleasantly around him. "You were right. What did he say in response?"

There's a bit of kitty nuzzling.

At the time, he said 'fine' and left. Afterwards, he apologized. But that was a few days later.

"Damage had been done a few days later," he mutters. "For you, at least."

I forgave him. And he isn't angry at me anymore.

He doesn't know what other 'damage' there'd be.

I think Edwin's forgiven Arthur but neither of them have mentioned. I know something happened there, though.

"Forgiveness is good, but do you still trust him as fully as you did before? Would you tell him so freely what you would have before?" he wonders, scratching the cat gently behind his ears.

The cat leans into the scratches so happily. It takes him a moment before he answers.

He kept asking me to let myself be angry when we made up. But he left when I told him no.

Edited 2024-08-11 01:12 (UTC)

He goes quiet, thinking.

"Was it because you didn't trust him with your emotions?"

John's quiet again.

I'm not keeping you up, am I?

"You aren't," he assures him, his hand never slowing as he continues petting him.

He burrows a little closer, tucked up with the line of his body against Sheehan's.

He didn't trust me. Even though I've done everything I can to make sure he felt safe.

And he didn't think me feeling safe was important when he was mad.

"Ah, I see."

It's difficult to parse through emotions of John and Edwin, mostly because they don't always act the way that Sheehan would expect. Which is the least surprising part of it.

"That sounds like something was damaged."

There's a longer pause.

He did this before. And he asked Jedao to talk to me about it. I told Jedao and Jedao told me he'd talk to Edwin.

So having it happen again, not trusting me like that

Why should I trust him if he doesn't trust me?

"This is all - very complicated," he remarks lightly. "And how are you feeling about it now?"

Glad it's over.

Beat.

Glad I can... talk to you about this.

The little cat burrows closer.

You're safe.

"That's the greatest compliment you can give me," he says softly, holding him close. "I think I might need to sleep now. You can stay with me here if you want. As long as you want."

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