[ Nana gives Sheehan a bright smile and a nod, though her cheerful Banana exterior isn't making it's way to her eyes. She's going through the motions, smiling and grinning, but she's so done and it's so apparent. ]
"You already told me a bit about yourself," Nana points out. "About that perfect stage you crafted, where you let the patient live out the delusions of his story. Do you do that for all your patients?"
"No," he tells her. "No, Andrew was a special case. He was - violent. He hurt guards, other patients, and even me a few times. He refused to believe the truth of what he had done. They were going to lobotomize him. Against our wishes."
He looks down into his tea. "It was a last ditch effort."
Nana pauses for a moment, taking a sip of her tea, before continuing.
"My Starlight was a special case as well. We're the same in that way. We'd both do anything to try and help the people we care about. So really, there's no reason why you're a warden and I'm not."
He looks up. "I know that's what you think, Nana, but it's about the harm caused. And in my case, it didn't work. Andrew - he regressed. Or he - chose to. And I let him make that choice. I had to."
"You didn't have to," Nana says, with a shake of her head. "You chose to. You could always try again. You don't...you don't give up on the people you're trying to protect like that."
"If one of the choices hurts him like that, then it's a terrible choice," Nana says, without any hesitation. "You're a psychiatrist. You're supposed to protect your patients."
"I didn't know which choice hurt him more," he says. "And isn't that what you did for Niji?" You wanted to save her, to make choices for her, but you had to weigh those options. Are you a terrible person for taking her out? Of course not. You're kind and compassionate. But you were showing her love when you put her back. Even if that was hard for you."
"There's got to be a better way. I just...I want to protect my friends from all the hurt in the world. I know you do also. So to hear you say that the better way still made him suffer...I know this sounds stupid, but it shouldn't be that way."
"Seeing people get hurt, people you care about, is hard, Nana. But it's part of life. It's the way that things have to be. There has to be balance in the world, or life is not worth living," he explains softly.
Sheehan nods. "I think that's a good place to start. What would you want, if you win? Something that helps your friends - actually helps them - if that's what you want?"
"I'm not gonna ask for an even better Starlight. Nothing will top that play in our first year for me. But that's...okay, I guess." She says the words hesitantly, as she herself isn't entirely sure that's okay.
"But I've always wanted to help my friends. This won't change now."
Sheehan's smile is warm. "No, nothing will top that play. And nothing may feel the same. But you can have different experiences. Good experiences that may move you. You and your friends."
He spreads out his hands. "You came to ask me about my life. If there's not, then no. You can enjoy the tea. I can put on some music." He stands up. "Oh! Have you heard of the Beatles?"
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
[ And five minutes later, there's a knock on Sheehan's door. ]
no subject
Go on and sit. I've got the water boiling.
no subject
Do you need any help with the tea?
no subject
He holds them out to her along with a few boxes of tea.
no subject
no subject
"What would you like to know? From the beginning, or just about my practice?"
no subject
no subject
He looks down into his tea. "It was a last ditch effort."
no subject
Nana pauses for a moment, taking a sip of her tea, before continuing.
"My Starlight was a special case as well. We're the same in that way. We'd both do anything to try and help the people we care about. So really, there's no reason why you're a warden and I'm not."
no subject
no subject
no subject
He sips at his tea, then takes the teabag out and adds sugar. "I didn't give up on him. I did what I could to help him, then I did something else."
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
"I'm not gonna quit the revue back home. I don't know if I can. But I also don't know what I'd ask for if I won."
no subject
no subject
"I'm not gonna ask for an even better Starlight. Nothing will top that play in our first year for me. But that's...okay, I guess." She says the words hesitantly, as she herself isn't entirely sure that's okay.
"But I've always wanted to help my friends. This won't change now."
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
"Um. Is there anything else you want to talk about?"
no subject
no subject
Sorry, Sheehan.
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)