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[heyboss]

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[cactusy]

I'm applying it to external bodily sensations, too. Wanting to be weightless as a metaphor for... not wanting to feel any pressure. Not wanting to have anything or anyone around me.

[Wanting to not be here, or anywhere. Not wanting to die, still wanting to be , but wanting to do it in an empty void.]

[heyboss]

That would make sense. Does it help to do that?

[cactusy]

It really does.

[heyboss]

How?

[cactusy]

I don't know how to explain beyond what I already said.

[heyboss]

Does it help you process and understand what you're feeling or is it simply a means of escape?

[cactusy]

Mm, it helps me relax - but mostly I'd say escape, yeah.

[heyboss]

How do you feel about being out so long?

[cactusy]

Frustrated.

[There's the small sound of her teeth grinding in the quiet on her end of the feed.]

Concerned.

[heyboss]

That's to be expected. What does that feel like?

[cactusy]

Tight muscles. Clenched teeth.

[heyboss]

Do you know why you're concerned?

[cactusy]

Because sometimes people disappear off the ship after comas, because if I'm napping for weeks on end then I'm derelict in my duties, because my inmate deserves a warden who's actually present.

[heyboss]

That last one - you seem like you're taking responsibility for being in a coma.

[cactusy]

I know it's not my fault. Even if it is because I've died a lot, being in danger a lot is a hazard of the job. But none of that changes the results.

[heyboss]

So what do you plan on doing now?

[cactusy]

Honestly? I'm wondering if I should try to plead my case to the Admiral.

[heyboss]

To what end?

[cactusy]

To ask it to keep me awake and not to kick me off the ship.

[heyboss]

Hm. What if he says that he can't do that?

[cactusy]

I don't know.

Keep doing what I have been doing, I guess. Patrolling. Trying to give my inmate focus and a purpose. Spending hours napping on Eiffel's ceiling.

[heyboss]

On...Eiffel's ceiling.

[cactusy]

You ever been in his cabin? The whole place is zero-gravity.

[heyboss]

Oh.

No, I can't say that I have.

[cactusy]

I'm in there... kind of a lot, actually. He never shuts up; it's like a non-stop stream of talk.