He hesitates a moment before pushing forward. This is necessary, it will be fine and what he says here can only help, not hurt him.
"Where I'm from genetic modification is common on Earth, less common on the colonies. It's done in utero, and can affect appearance, health and immunity, but the brain and cognitive function is able to be enhanced as well."
He runs his fingers through his hair, taking in a deep breath before letting it out. "Unfortunately, despite the benefits I tend to get...not stuck, but when you can think that fast, or about multiple things at once, if the train of thought is negative that just tends to end with a lot of anxiety and catastrophizing. It's not always like that, like I said, I spend a lot of time fantasizing, but when it's quiet, and all I can focus on is how I feel? That part of sex is just as desirable as the rest of it."
He doesn't understand; how could he? But he does understand how the brain works and how anxiety can spiral into catastrophe.
"So you've found a way to focus your body to drown out the anxious spirals," he says with a nod. "Which that relief can be - addicting, as well. I'm curious, Abel, I'm sure you've tried grounding before. How successful has that been?"
He isn't sure he is consciously focusing anything but the pleasure has a way of drowning out everything else. He can agree that he craves that some days.
"Grounding as in...meditation? I'm not exactly familiar. Honestly Malcolm has just been trying to get me to practice breathing exercises so I don't pull all my hair out when I'm stressed. Its a bad habit..." He can't say he's the easiest person to convince to change his mind either.
"The breathing can help a little. I've never tried meditation. I already sit alone with my thoughts for hours every day, it doesn't actually help anything that I'm aware of. Usually it just makes it worse." But he could also be doing it wrong, he isn't sure.
"This is a different kind," he explains. "I don't want you to focus inward on your thoughts. I want you to try and think outward. What your senses tell you. What your body tells you. Not your head."
"I'm getting there," he smiles, not at all put off by it. He's glad that Abel at least seems interested in it. Sheehan doesn't have to sell it so hard.
"This first one is when you feel yourself spiraling into anxiety or overthinking. I want you to focus on a random part of your body. Your big toe on your left foot. How's it doing? What's it doing? Is it comfortable? Does it feel scrunched up against your sock?"
Abel tries very hard to not scrunch up his nose as Sheehan walks him through the exercise. He isn't sure about this, but he'll bite.
"D-do you want me to tell you? Or am I doing it in my head?" He feels a little silly already, so he hopes it's the second, but can be talked into doing the first.
He sees that look and smiles. "I can walk you through it this time, but you have to slow down your thoughts to match my words. Sometimes that's easier to do when you say it aloud."
"That's what we're trying to work on," he reminds Abel. Making things easier like this.
"Alright. Let's start low and work our way up. Close your eyes and focus everything you have on your feet. Your right foot. Your right toe. What does it feel like right now?"
He does so, pressing his little toe to the floor. At first it's light, but if he presses harder it engages more of his foot, he can feel it in his calf.
"Pressure. And connection. I couldn't tell you which muscles specifically I'm engaging but there are more of them involved than one would think for something so simple."
His eyebrows scrunch together as he fights back some frustration. "It's just there. I feel my foot more as a whole than my ankle. It loose, and flexible." Structurally he appreciates it, the weight it can hold while also being able to pivot so many different weighs, but the feel of it isn't so impressive.
He's been sitting rather oddly, but once it's pointed out he tries to uncurl himself from his rather defensive position, stretching his legs out in front of him.
"It isn't uncomfortable...I tend to do a lot of stretching, so it's fine." At the very least he isn't fidgeting. It seems the sit still part of the exercise doesn't both himself in the least, but his tone is slowly edging towards frustration.
Sheehan laughs. "Alright, I'll spare you the rest. I think you get the idea of it, but it is easier to do on your own, even if you feel ridiculous. But - what weren't you thinking about?"
He isn't sure he liked it, seeing as it made him feel frustrated and silly, but he can admit at least one thing, "I...wasn't thinking about sex, or my personal failings." He was just angry that he had to think about his god damn toe for a few minutes.
"Am I able to swap the subject matter out? Like, if I was holding my cat for example, I- It feels weird being so thoughtful about my own body, at least that specifically. I try to be mindful of it when I'm working out, but it definitely isn't anything like that."
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Re: Audio - forward dated to the 15th
"Where I'm from genetic modification is common on Earth, less common on the colonies. It's done in utero, and can affect appearance, health and immunity, but the brain and cognitive function is able to be enhanced as well."
He runs his fingers through his hair, taking in a deep breath before letting it out. "Unfortunately, despite the benefits I tend to get...not stuck, but when you can think that fast, or about multiple things at once, if the train of thought is negative that just tends to end with a lot of anxiety and catastrophizing. It's not always like that, like I said, I spend a lot of time fantasizing, but when it's quiet, and all I can focus on is how I feel? That part of sex is just as desirable as the rest of it."
Re: Audio - forward dated to the 15th
"So you've found a way to focus your body to drown out the anxious spirals," he says with a nod. "Which that relief can be - addicting, as well. I'm curious, Abel, I'm sure you've tried grounding before. How successful has that been?"
Re: Audio - forward dated to the 15th
"Grounding as in...meditation? I'm not exactly familiar. Honestly Malcolm has just been trying to get me to practice breathing exercises so I don't pull all my hair out when I'm stressed. Its a bad habit..." He can't say he's the easiest person to convince to change his mind either.
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"This first one is when you feel yourself spiraling into anxiety or overthinking. I want you to focus on a random part of your body. Your big toe on your left foot. How's it doing? What's it doing? Is it comfortable? Does it feel scrunched up against your sock?"
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"D-do you want me to tell you? Or am I doing it in my head?" He feels a little silly already, so he hopes it's the second, but can be talked into doing the first.
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"I...guess go ahead, I'll repeat after you?"
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"Alright. Let's start low and work our way up. Close your eyes and focus everything you have on your feet. Your right foot. Your right toe. What does it feel like right now?"
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"It's just there...if I focus on it too much I feel the urge to press it down into the floor to make this less boring, more engaging."
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"Pressure. And connection. I couldn't tell you which muscles specifically I'm engaging but there are more of them involved than one would think for something so simple."
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He isn't sure what else to say about it.
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"It isn't uncomfortable...I tend to do a lot of stretching, so it's fine." At the very least he isn't fidgeting. It seems the sit still part of the exercise doesn't both himself in the least, but his tone is slowly edging towards frustration.
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"Am I able to swap the subject matter out? Like, if I was holding my cat for example, I- It feels weird being so thoughtful about my own body, at least that specifically. I try to be mindful of it when I'm working out, but it definitely isn't anything like that."
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