heyboss | IC Inbox

I don't know, I think I'm starting to run out of adjectives.

[A hesitant sigh.]

Do you think...you may have had romantic feelings for her?

Uh-- look, no offense, but my answer depends on whether you're gonna start fixating on that as a disorder to be cured, you know?

No offense taken. I understand the hesitation. Norton gave me the same treatment.

It's nothing to be fixed. I've never believed that. I only asked because I'm trying to get a sense of your feelings on her. They're important. Not wrong.

Okay. Then, yeah, I had romantic... something for her. But that's not what I meant by hungry; I got hungry when I was a kid and found out my dad died, too.

[Pangs of distress interpreted as pangs of hunger. Grief interpreted as a different biological impulse.]

That isn't what I thought you meant by hungry, don't worry.

It's hard to figure out what our feelings are when our bodies take priority.

You planning on offering tips?

You've already told me that you have trouble with identifying feelings. I want you to start grouping them by how they make your body feel.

Okay.

Empty is sad, I guess. Or defeated.

Empty is sad. Stomach and head is angry. What's happy?

No clue. How does happy feel to you?

That depends on the sort of happiness, I guess. Sometimes I feel it in my chest, but pleasant. A lightening.

But you feel it as an emotion too, right? In your brain?

I recognize it for what it is, yes.

Okay.

I don't get lightness so much.

That's alright.

Do you get it ever?

I don't think so. If things are going well in an exciting way, my body feels electrified. If things are going well in a more subdued way, I'm, uh-- bored sometimes. Blank sometimes, but not in a bad way. Other times - my body is relaxed. It feels like I'm sinking, but into a pool where I know exactly where the bottom is.

Do you feel secure then?

[She exhales, slowly.]

I do. Or did.

Not anymore? What changed?

The simulations. Every time I thought I might be in reality, I was wrong.

This place makes it worse, you know? All the things that shouldn't exist, all the rooms that don't fit into each other, the Enclosure.

Yeah.

It makes sense, Ms. Shaw.

Thank you.

[It means something, hearing that.]

Sure.

We'll talk later, okay?

Yeah. Thanks.

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