I estimated about 50 to 70% of the ship's passengers would take action and attempt to find the source of the alarms and either proceed to the exits as intended, or take steps to eliminate the alarms at their source. The plan was to divide these groups into two: the helpful, and the obstinate and reluctant to change.
A further estimated 10 to 20% of residents would either ignore the alarms entirely and not adhere to evacuation protocols, or be too overwhelmed to do as instructed either through animal reaction, searching for friends, family and allies, or through trauma responses.
A final estimated 5 to 10% would have no context of these alarms due to no evacuation procedure on their home worlds and would need further direction for compliance.
I anticipated confusion, anger, resignation, and acceptance. I knew that I am an unpopular and strange inmate who nonetheless has earned the backing of Wardens Burke and Rawne, and made plans to transfer the alarms and manual to one or both of them so that they could conduct further annual reviews at their leisure, once I had made my departure. There is no possible outcome where the wardens here will agree on a need for an overall alert system, agree as to who will carry it out, and agree to a regular maintenance schedule. It must come from an inmate first, because animosity can be redirected at me for 'not knowing any better' and later upheld as a partially good idea now that it exists, but no one was going to install them first to begin with. Someone must take the leap and the 'heat'.
There was a non-zero chance I would be removed from Maintenance. A non-zero chance I would be tortured or killed. A non-zero chance I would be ignored entirely. These were extremely unlikely responses, but would speak to needing more research done on the fringes of known Barge residents.
I planned for several of the most likely possibilities. If you are asking which I had hoped would occur, I can tell you that I can work with many of the outcomes, advantageous or no.
[oh, were you hoping for more elaboration? Sorry, Sheehan: Thrawn has decided that this feels remarkably like how he had been studied his entire time in Imperial space. He knows from experience that more questions will follow; best to save his energy instead of attempting to explain himself to those who do not care.
He will follow Florian's instructions and not be purposely obstinate, but nor does he feel the need to elaborate further unless directed.]
[Thrawn would disagree - he is compelled here by Florian and the threat of not graduating. His eyes narrow at the mention of art. Florian will have mentioned that, of course.
He changes the subject.]
You say you are here to discuss things within my realm of comfort, Dr. Sheehan. I have had conversations at length with Florian that a graduation is intended to be uncomfortable. I believe I phrased it as 'pain will have to be our guide'.
I would like a brief summary of what you intend for these sessions to do and why, as well as what assignments you feel I need to complete.
[The mention of art was given by Florian, yes, but Sheehan's
comparatively newly acquired interest in art is what he has been basing his entire counseling strategies on with mixed success. Still, he is a sucker
for new ideas, new lives, and had been looking forward to actually engaging with Thrawn on that level. But it can wait. His smile is polite.]
Graduation cannot be your goal, Thrawn, or you won't graduate.
My warden believes the opposite. That my numerous projects dedicated to self-and-environmental improvement are mere distractions from the overarching, ultimate goal of graduation.
Progress doesn’t always look the same for everyone, which is a reality on this ship. It might mean understanding yourself better or finding new ways to handle challenges. It’s not about being ‘fixed’—it’s about small steps that make your life here feel a bit more manageable or meaningful.
So - Thrawn. How would you define progress for yourself?
[There are many things Thrawn can say to this. He can attack from a place of semantics - attack through exact words - but finds that this is a position of weakness. He can go along with everything Sheehan has to say, but it would be a lie, and he is not comfortable with lying to an unknown opponent.
Is Sheehan his opponent? He considers his feelings on the matter.
He is angry with Florian for failing to procure Thrawn's desired outcomes - his projects, his graduation, his apparent foisting Thrawn off on another warden for more expert advice without being clear as to what that advice is. Moreover, he knows he is being reported on, and that there will be conversations between Sheehan and Florian behind his back.
He had not considered Florian an adversary, and frankly does not wish to: Florian can match him now in both strength and strategy. More worrisome, he can vastly outshine Thrawn in the realm of the political.
If he shuts this conversation down at the source, Florian will hear of it, and Thrawn will not move forward with anything he has planned. Yet the overarching goal - graduation - remains frustratingly elusive. Florian has said Thrawn is distracting himself from graduation, yet Sheehan is speaking as though Thrawn is wrong to seek it. In the middle of it all are these complicated relationships each of the Barge residents has with one another, a tangled knot refusing to reveal itself to him. He feels like he always feels in regards to interpersonal relationships and observing himself outside himself: fighting against a tide when he can't swim.
How to explain to the person in front of him that it is not a question of willpower, but a question of inability?
More frustrating is the last proper conversation he had with his warden about this; explaining that he is attempting to change, only to have Florian double back and say that Florian does not want him to change and has never demanded it. Does not graduation itself imply change?
He sits in silence, staring nearly through Sheehan at the question. It is asinine in its presumptions; progress without change. He feels, at once, both like a child and a person who has lived far too long]
[He can see the wheels turning and far from wanting to shut that down, he finds it easier to sit in silence and wait. Wait time, the dead air between conversations, between words, has never felt uncomfortable for Sheehan, especially when it comes to therapy. He can wait in silence for the entirety of their session, which Sheehan is learning will need to be far more structured next time.
For now, he waits. Whatever is happening in Thrawn's mind is far more important than the sound of Sheehan's voice.]
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Re: Voice
It does.
Do you understand how your actions caused them harm?
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Perhaps in the future, these people can come to you to work through them.
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Did you understand that before you decided to set the alarms?
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[He starts to make columns on the page.
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Do you wish for my risk assessment report?
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A further estimated 10 to 20% of residents would either ignore the alarms entirely and not adhere to evacuation protocols, or be too overwhelmed to do as instructed either through animal reaction, searching for friends, family and allies, or through trauma responses.
A final estimated 5 to 10% would have no context of these alarms due to no evacuation procedure on their home worlds and would need further direction for compliance.
I anticipated confusion, anger, resignation, and acceptance. I knew that I am an unpopular and strange inmate who nonetheless has earned the backing of Wardens Burke and Rawne, and made plans to transfer the alarms and manual to one or both of them so that they could conduct further annual reviews at their leisure, once I had made my departure. There is no possible outcome where the wardens here will agree on a need for an overall alert system, agree as to who will carry it out, and agree to a regular maintenance schedule. It must come from an inmate first, because animosity can be redirected at me for 'not knowing any better' and later upheld as a partially good idea now that it exists, but no one was going to install them first to begin with. Someone must take the leap and the 'heat'.
There was a non-zero chance I would be removed from Maintenance. A non-zero chance I would be tortured or killed. A non-zero chance I would be ignored entirely. These were extremely unlikely responses, but would speak to needing more research done on the fringes of known Barge residents.
Re: Voice
That's a lot of actions that you anticipated.
Did it work out like you planned?
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Has that always been your habit?
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[oh, were you hoping for more elaboration? Sorry, Sheehan: Thrawn has decided that this feels remarkably like how he had been studied his entire time in Imperial space. He knows from experience that more questions will follow; best to save his energy instead of attempting to explain himself to those who do not care.
He will follow Florian's instructions and not be purposely obstinate, but nor does he feel the need to elaborate further unless directed.]
Re: Voice
But he does - wonder - ]
Sometimes words don’t feel like the right way to communicate. Would you be open to doing something different, like drawing or writing?
I work in the art gazebo mostly, you know. I spend a lot of time on doodles and simply - expressing myself in that way.
Re: Voice
He changes the subject.]
You say you are here to discuss things within my realm of comfort, Dr. Sheehan. I have had conversations at length with Florian that a graduation is intended to be uncomfortable. I believe I phrased it as 'pain will have to be our guide'.
I would like a brief summary of what you intend for these sessions to do and why, as well as what assignments you feel I need to complete.
Re: Voice
[The mention of art was given by Florian, yes, but Sheehan's comparatively newly acquired interest in art is what he has been basing his entire counseling strategies on with mixed success. Still, he is a sucker for new ideas, new lives, and had been looking forward to actually engaging with Thrawn on that level. But it can wait. His smile is polite.]
Graduation cannot be your goal, Thrawn, or you won't graduate.
Re: Voice
You have evidence of that claim?
Re: Voice
[He nods.]
I've led two to graduation myself. Counseled others who have gone on to graduate.
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Mm. I don't necessarily think we are of different opinions on this.
I am curious about your self improvement projects, though? What the focus is.
Re: Voice
May we return to my earlier question of what these sessions are to accomplish, and the markers that indicate progression?
Re: Voice
Progress doesn’t always look the same for everyone, which is a reality on this ship. It might mean understanding yourself better or finding new ways to handle challenges. It’s not about being ‘fixed’—it’s about small steps that make your life here feel a bit more manageable or meaningful.
So - Thrawn. How would you define progress for yourself?
Re: Voice
Is Sheehan his opponent? He considers his feelings on the matter.
He is angry with Florian for failing to procure Thrawn's desired outcomes - his projects, his graduation, his apparent foisting Thrawn off on another warden for more expert advice without being clear as to what that advice is. Moreover, he knows he is being reported on, and that there will be conversations between Sheehan and Florian behind his back.
He had not considered Florian an adversary, and frankly does not wish to: Florian can match him now in both strength and strategy. More worrisome, he can vastly outshine Thrawn in the realm of the political.
If he shuts this conversation down at the source, Florian will hear of it, and Thrawn will not move forward with anything he has planned. Yet the overarching goal - graduation - remains frustratingly elusive. Florian has said Thrawn is distracting himself from graduation, yet Sheehan is speaking as though Thrawn is wrong to seek it. In the middle of it all are these complicated relationships each of the Barge residents has with one another, a tangled knot refusing to reveal itself to him. He feels like he always feels in regards to interpersonal relationships and observing himself outside himself: fighting against a tide when he can't swim.
How to explain to the person in front of him that it is not a question of willpower, but a question of inability?
More frustrating is the last proper conversation he had with his warden about this; explaining that he is attempting to change, only to have Florian double back and say that Florian does not want him to change and has never demanded it. Does not graduation itself imply change?
He sits in silence, staring nearly through Sheehan at the question. It is asinine in its presumptions; progress without change. He feels, at once, both like a child and a person who has lived far too long]
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For now, he waits. Whatever is happening in Thrawn's mind is far more important than the sound of Sheehan's voice.]
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