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[heyboss]

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[reargunner]

Hard to say.

Things seem fine.

But we haven't talked about it. And we should, right? We can't just pretend it didn't happen.

[heyboss]

You should, yes.

This place created a very nice distraction. But you're right. You need to talk about it.

And starting with an apology like we talked about would be good.

[reargunner]

Just like that huh.

[heyboss]

Just like that.

[reargunner]

You must think I

I get it if you want to keep your distance after this.

[heyboss]

And why would I do that?

I don't think differently of you.

You're a very young man who was given an impossible choice. You did what you thought was best.

[reargunner]

No I didn't.

I did what I thought would save my own ass.

[heyboss]

And for you at the time, that was best.

[He doesn't say that it's because his brain hadn't finished forming or that trauma impacts the mind, especially in childhood, and that manipulation of this kind is a Very Big Deal that was inappropriately sprung on him.]

It sounds like you were a victim just like Abel was. Not that it absolves you, but there is only so much guilt you can carry.

[reargunner]

I had a fucking choice Lester

I can't just pretend that I didn't
That I went through all of that and fucked around with Abel and the others and didn't know what I was doing

Maybe it was a shitty choice to have to make but I made it

[And thank fuck for autocorrect, because by the end of that he can barely see the screen.]

[heyboss]

I know you think that.

I know they made you think that.

But you were not given a choice. Not really.

You might have known what you were doing, but would you have chosen the same way if the other choice was freedom?

[reargunner]

[Pardon him for about five minutes while he has a brief anxiety spiral.]

If I didn't have to do any of it and they'd just let me go?

No, of course not. I wouldn't have done any of it.

[heyboss]

Then it's not a choice. It wasn't something you wanted to do on your own.

It's a forced choice, which is what people use when they want someone to do something and make it seem like it was their idea.

[reargunner]

I still didn't have to do it like I did.

I could have been nicer to him.

You've seen that scar on his lip, right? I did that. I did it to make sure everyone knew which navigator was mine.

[heyboss]

I'm not clearing you, Cain. You did things you shouldn't. You did things you aren't proud of.

But it's exhausting to carry guilt you didn't earn.

[reargunner]

How did I NOT earn this.

Maybe it wasn't all me. But saying I was put in a shitty position doesn't absolve me of responsibility for my actions.

I didn't even always feel bad about it. How fucked up is that.

[heyboss]

Your mind adapted to what it needed to.

It makes sense.

[reargunner]

How can you be so fucking nice about this?

[heyboss]

You are not the monster you think you are, Cain.

[reargunner]

I don't think I'm a monster!

I don't.
I'm not.

I'm just too good at pretending to be one.

[heyboss]

You're not.

I am sorry that you were made to act like one.

[reargunner]

Thanks.

I think.
I don't know where to go with this now.

It would be easier if you were pissed at me.

[heyboss]

I know.

But there's nothing you need to do.

Do you still want to apologize?

[reargunner]

To Abel?

Yeah. I have to.
He deserves it.

[heyboss]

Then start there.

And don't worry about me.

[reargunner]

Missed the boat on that, honestly.