Sheehan keeps his arms around him, even gently trailing his fingers through Hanna's hair. Paternal, like he would do with a child. Which may or may not help Hanna's perception of him.
"Your anger is legitimate, Hanna. You were feeling uncomfortable in a lot of ways, and anger is a natural response to it. I don't hold any grudges or anything. I had just hoped we'd be able to have this conversation once you were feeling less defensive," he tells him. "And - I don't even want to know what Arthur said, do I?"
He doesn't really think about it much right now, there's a lot going on in that little head of his and it feels nice, calming even. He kind of needs that, trying to slow his breathing down, eyes still closed.
"I mean, it also didn't help that it sounded like maybe You thought I'd be cruel on purpose which also just-" he makes a frustrated noise, knows that's more an excuse but had been on his mind anyways.
He lifts his head finally, looking up at him with a tired smile, "something, something maybe the world isn't as kind as you think it is." As if Hanna didn't already know.
"There's more, but I'd rather not repeat assumptions that are entirely way off base. Fucking prick." He'll happily sit next to him at breakfast when he starts coming around again though. Water under the bridge.
"I apologize for that, Hanna. I was trying to get you to see that what you were doing could be cruel and I hoped that would affect you because you are most certainly not cruel. But if I gave you the impression that I believed you capable of that, I'm sorry." He gives him a gentle squeeze.
That's more important for him to know than anything else.
"Vinny's like that too, though he's a hell of a lot more subtle about it." Which in his mind makes it funnier, but he isn't looking forward to being on the receiving end of that again.
"Anyways, I should also probably say sorry for punching him even if I think he kind of deserved it."
"Don't apologize unless you're actually remorseful," he points out. "But Arthur doesn't hold it against you. He knows what he's doing when he gets like that."
Sheehan had seen the bruise, of course. It doesn't mean he likes it, but he gets it.
"Mmmm...yeah, I'm really not." He doesn't much hold it against Arthur either though... "He's not talking to Sokie like that, is he? She'd rip him apart I'm sure, but...yeesh."
"You're a smart man," he wouldn't really want to get in the middle of that either.
His hold loosens in Sheehan, taking in a breath and releasing it to try and lessen the tension in his shoulders. But, despite that he still doesn't quite move from the entryway, nor does he feel like indicating he wants him to stop holding him.
Usually it's a normal amount, but after hiding away for almost a week he kind of missed human contact outside of being slammed into the floor by Malcolm and then Arthur, as well as those short few minutes where he'd kind of cried all over him. Being avoidant of your issues made being an extrovert hard.
"What's the plan for you, once your done here, like big picture. I know you said you were going to live with Arthur and John, but... you gonna figure out how to forge some credentials, start a practice? Or do something else?"
Fortunately, he had his shit figured out a few weeks ago, or he'd still be living in limbo.
"I had the Admiral take care of that," he explains. "Transferred my credentials, bank accounts, reputation, and everything else to Arthur's world. It was what my last deal was. Nana forced me to use it on myself."
That wasn't exactly what he was expecting, "oh shit...well? That's convenient. With inflation you probably made a pretty chunk of change if you're bringing your money back, what, twenty years?"
This is why never got good grades in history, it's the little things and those essay questions that would get him every time.
He doesn't look exactly convinced by what he says though, eyeing him.
"Sokie said the three of you had one foot out the door already, you sure about that?" As if just admitting that will get Sheehan to break if he was at all trying to lie to him.
Sheehan looks confused. And after that passes, he's distraught. He puts his hands on Hanna's shoulders and looks down at him.
"Hey. I don't know what information Sokie has, but we're not leaving. I'm not leaving. I have no intention of leaving. I'm not here for the deals. I don't need a deal and then I'm automatically done."
He should feel silly for believing something she said while they were both stoned and she was upset, but... it's a little hard not to. Everyone leaves eventually, and he doesn't think it would feel better to know when it would happen, but...maybe if he had some warning it wouldn't hurt so bad.
"But you will, eventually." He's aware that this place isn't meant to be a forever home, it's a halfway house at best, "you'd say something, right? If you were going to? If you knew you were?"
He looks down at him again and tries to get his gaze. "Hanna. I will not knowingly leave this place without giving you advance notice. Alright? But I wouldn't leave until after you got your life back anyway. If I do leave before then, get Iris to check on me. Or John, if he can."
His breath catches in his throat in a bad way and he has to look away. Sometimes, he wishes he could just be normal about this shit, and it would make things easier.
He has to take a few steps back, scrubbing his face and his hair as if he can delete the invasive thought that just shot through his mind and groans.
"Fuck. Don't- Don't say it like that. Or I'll start dragging my feet." He's still got David's letter in his pocket and that to him is a promise, to cross the finish line more, and yet he knows if that will shorten the time, he'd try not to.
He smiles, gently brushing his fingers thorough Hanna's curls playfully again. "Don't misunderstand me, Hanna. I'm not going to disappear the moment that you're graduated. I'm not waiting on you and only you. But I'd rather leave after I am certain you will be alright."
He drags his hands down his face, looking up at him, "Well thank you for the reassurance, but unfortunately that isn't a guarantee that what ever the hell my brain is trying to do is going to help me believe you." It's truly a him problem.
"A-and it isn't like I don't trust you, I do, but you hear shit over and over like 'don't worry', 'I'm not going to disappear' or 'you'll be alright' and they're just...words. Regardless of intention, or how much any one means them, that's all they are." Reality usually gets in the way of them being more than that.
Sheehan pulls back, leaning against the arm of his chair. "I know. I hate that, too. I lost - someone close to me here. She told me she was leaving with only a day or so to prepare. I almost wish I hadn't gotten the notification," he explains. "It's not a good feeling and I - I am really sorry that you felt it, too."
Hanna doesn't feel like sitting. He's been sitting in his little hide out for a week and it feels good to stretch his legs.
"Is...is there anyway to make that stop?" Malcolm had said it was psychological, and he was rather aware of that, where it started. He wasn't the first professional to point that out to him so bluntly, it had just been a hell of a long time since the last.
"I get like this and I feel like people can see right through me." People being Malcolm, or Arthur who he swears if they weren't friends he'd think all they were looking for was an interesting puzzle to solve. "And I hate feeling like that."
"It's really hard to be seen," Sheehan tells him. "It's vulnerable. But you don't need to make the feeling stop. The feeling is important, Hanna. But you can cope with it in another way other than running and hiding."
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
"Your anger is legitimate, Hanna. You were feeling uncomfortable in a lot of ways, and anger is a natural response to it. I don't hold any grudges or anything. I had just hoped we'd be able to have this conversation once you were feeling less defensive," he tells him. "And - I don't even want to know what Arthur said, do I?"
no subject
"I mean, it also didn't help that it sounded like maybe You thought I'd be cruel on purpose which also just-" he makes a frustrated noise, knows that's more an excuse but had been on his mind anyways.
He lifts his head finally, looking up at him with a tired smile, "something, something maybe the world isn't as kind as you think it is." As if Hanna didn't already know.
"There's more, but I'd rather not repeat assumptions that are entirely way off base. Fucking prick." He'll happily sit next to him at breakfast when he starts coming around again though. Water under the bridge.
no subject
That's more important for him to know than anything else.
"Who's a prick?"
no subject
There are a few different people he could say, but he was talking about Arthur. "Your darling dearest."
no subject
"And he is, you're right."
He's not going to defend him for something he might have very well been a fucking prick about.
no subject
"Anyways, I should also probably say sorry for punching him even if I think he kind of deserved it."
no subject
Sheehan had seen the bruise, of course. It doesn't mean he likes it, but he gets it.
no subject
no subject
no subject
His hold loosens in Sheehan, taking in a breath and releasing it to try and lessen the tension in his shoulders. But, despite that he still doesn't quite move from the entryway, nor does he feel like indicating he wants him to stop holding him.
"Can I ask you a personal question?"
no subject
no subject
"What's the plan for you, once your done here, like big picture. I know you said you were going to live with Arthur and John, but... you gonna figure out how to forge some credentials, start a practice? Or do something else?"
no subject
"I had the Admiral take care of that," he explains. "Transferred my credentials, bank accounts, reputation, and everything else to Arthur's world. It was what my last deal was. Nana forced me to use it on myself."
no subject
no subject
"But I'm not eager to get there, really. It's a new city, a new place, and everyone I care about is here."
no subject
He doesn't look exactly convinced by what he says though, eyeing him.
"Sokie said the three of you had one foot out the door already, you sure about that?" As if just admitting that will get Sheehan to break if he was at all trying to lie to him.
no subject
"Hey. I don't know what information Sokie has, but we're not leaving. I'm not leaving. I have no intention of leaving. I'm not here for the deals. I don't need a deal and then I'm automatically done."
no subject
"But you will, eventually." He's aware that this place isn't meant to be a forever home, it's a halfway house at best, "you'd say something, right? If you were going to? If you knew you were?"
no subject
no subject
He has to take a few steps back, scrubbing his face and his hair as if he can delete the invasive thought that just shot through his mind and groans.
"Fuck. Don't- Don't say it like that. Or I'll start dragging my feet." He's still got David's letter in his pocket and that to him is a promise, to cross the finish line more, and yet he knows if that will shorten the time, he'd try not to.
no subject
no subject
"A-and it isn't like I don't trust you, I do, but you hear shit over and over like 'don't worry', 'I'm not going to disappear' or 'you'll be alright' and they're just...words. Regardless of intention, or how much any one means them, that's all they are." Reality usually gets in the way of them being more than that.
no subject
no subject
"Is...is there anyway to make that stop?" Malcolm had said it was psychological, and he was rather aware of that, where it started. He wasn't the first professional to point that out to him so bluntly, it had just been a hell of a long time since the last.
"I get like this and I feel like people can see right through me." People being Malcolm, or Arthur who he swears if they weren't friends he'd think all they were looking for was an interesting puzzle to solve. "And I hate feeling like that."
no subject
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)