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[heyboss]

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[falkeditupagain]

"Mmmm...yeah, I'm really not." He doesn't much hold it against Arthur either though... "He's not talking to Sokie like that, is he? She'd rip him apart I'm sure, but...yeesh."

[heyboss]

Sheehan shakes his head. "You can talk to Sokie about it yourself. I'm pretty sure that she will tell you whatever you want to know."

[falkeditupagain]

"You're a smart man," he wouldn't really want to get in the middle of that either.

His hold loosens in Sheehan, taking in a breath and releasing it to try and lessen the tension in his shoulders. But, despite that he still doesn't quite move from the entryway, nor does he feel like indicating he wants him to stop holding him.

"Can I ask you a personal question?"

[heyboss]

He loosens his grip but doesn't let go. He just lets him guide the amount of touch that he wants. "Of course. I'll - even do my best to answer."

[falkeditupagain]

Usually it's a normal amount, but after hiding away for almost a week he kind of missed human contact outside of being slammed into the floor by Malcolm and then Arthur, as well as those short few minutes where he'd kind of cried all over him. Being avoidant of your issues made being an extrovert hard.

"What's the plan for you, once your done here, like big picture. I know you said you were going to live with Arthur and John, but... you gonna figure out how to forge some credentials, start a practice? Or do something else?"

[heyboss]

Fortunately, he had his shit figured out a few weeks ago, or he'd still be living in limbo.

"I had the Admiral take care of that," he explains. "Transferred my credentials, bank accounts, reputation, and everything else to Arthur's world. It was what my last deal was. Nana forced me to use it on myself."

[falkeditupagain]

That wasn't exactly what he was expecting, "oh shit...well? That's convenient. With inflation you probably made a pretty chunk of change if you're bringing your money back, what, twenty years?"

[heyboss]

"Moving from the 50s to the early 30s, specifically," he points out, because the postwar economy was great when compared to just after the crash.

"But I'm not eager to get there, really. It's a new city, a new place, and everyone I care about is here."

[falkeditupagain]

This is why never got good grades in history, it's the little things and those essay questions that would get him every time.

He doesn't look exactly convinced by what he says though, eyeing him.

"Sokie said the three of you had one foot out the door already, you sure about that?" As if just admitting that will get Sheehan to break if he was at all trying to lie to him.

[heyboss]

Sheehan looks confused. And after that passes, he's distraught. He puts his hands on Hanna's shoulders and looks down at him.

"Hey. I don't know what information Sokie has, but we're not leaving. I'm not leaving. I have no intention of leaving. I'm not here for the deals. I don't need a deal and then I'm automatically done."

[falkeditupagain]

He should feel silly for believing something she said while they were both stoned and she was upset, but... it's a little hard not to. Everyone leaves eventually, and he doesn't think it would feel better to know when it would happen, but...maybe if he had some warning it wouldn't hurt so bad.

"But you will, eventually." He's aware that this place isn't meant to be a forever home, it's a halfway house at best, "you'd say something, right? If you were going to? If you knew you were?"

[heyboss]

He looks down at him again and tries to get his gaze. "Hanna. I will not knowingly leave this place without giving you advance notice. Alright? But I wouldn't leave until after you got your life back anyway. If I do leave before then, get Iris to check on me. Or John, if he can."

[falkeditupagain]

His breath catches in his throat in a bad way and he has to look away. Sometimes, he wishes he could just be normal about this shit, and it would make things easier.

He has to take a few steps back, scrubbing his face and his hair as if he can delete the invasive thought that just shot through his mind and groans.

"Fuck. Don't- Don't say it like that. Or I'll start dragging my feet." He's still got David's letter in his pocket and that to him is a promise, to cross the finish line more, and yet he knows if that will shorten the time, he'd try not to.

[heyboss]

He smiles, gently brushing his fingers thorough Hanna's curls playfully again. "Don't misunderstand me, Hanna. I'm not going to disappear the moment that you're graduated. I'm not waiting on you and only you. But I'd rather leave after I am certain you will be alright."

[falkeditupagain]

He drags his hands down his face, looking up at him, "Well thank you for the reassurance, but unfortunately that isn't a guarantee that what ever the hell my brain is trying to do is going to help me believe you." It's truly a him problem.

"A-and it isn't like I don't trust you, I do, but you hear shit over and over like 'don't worry', 'I'm not going to disappear' or 'you'll be alright' and they're just...words. Regardless of intention, or how much any one means them, that's all they are." Reality usually gets in the way of them being more than that.

[heyboss]

Sheehan pulls back, leaning against the arm of his chair. "I know. I hate that, too. I lost - someone close to me here. She told me she was leaving with only a day or so to prepare. I almost wish I hadn't gotten the notification," he explains. "It's not a good feeling and I - I am really sorry that you felt it, too."

[falkeditupagain]

Hanna doesn't feel like sitting. He's been sitting in his little hide out for a week and it feels good to stretch his legs.

"Is...is there anyway to make that stop?" Malcolm had said it was psychological, and he was rather aware of that, where it started. He wasn't the first professional to point that out to him so bluntly, it had just been a hell of a long time since the last.

"I get like this and I feel like people can see right through me." People being Malcolm, or Arthur who he swears if they weren't friends he'd think all they were looking for was an interesting puzzle to solve. "And I hate feeling like that."

[heyboss]

"It's really hard to be seen," Sheehan tells him. "It's vulnerable. But you don't need to make the feeling stop. The feeling is important, Hanna. But you can cope with it in another way other than running and hiding."

[falkeditupagain]

He isn't sure he gets that, frowning as he crosses his arms and puzzles through it in his head, "so I...shouldn't try and work on my random abandonment issues?"

He says as if they both don't know they aren't at all random.

[heyboss]

"I'm not talking about issues. I'm talking about feelings," he explains. "Issues mean there is a need to heal and cope. But feelings are valid."

[falkeditupagain]

"Feelings are garbage and I wish I didn't have them." Well- that's not true. He sighs, thinking of the piece of paper in his pocket. His feelings helped David, that was...unexpected, but sometimes they really so suck.

[heyboss]

"What a boring life that would be," he answers with a smile. "I know that you don't believe that, but it is hard to endure the negative feelings." He crosses his legs. "Where do you feel it? In your body? When you want to run?"

[falkeditupagain]

"Are you my armchair psychologist now?" He isn't sure how he feels about that, how literal that is, but fine. He'll bite.

His hand comes up to his collarbone where his scar starts, tracing it over his shirt to his heart. "Kind f all over, but it's like...centered right here. Just kind of buzzes outward until I feel it all over."

[heyboss]

"No, I'm using my skills at the job that I do to see if I can help a friend," he tells him firmly because this isn't the first or the second or the third or the seventeenth time that he's had this conversation.

"Is it painful?"

[falkeditupagain]

"That sounds very practiced," but he'll accept it.

He starts to pace, just so he can move and shrugs. "I don't know...I feel like I'm gonna explode, but that's not painful, that's like...pressure?"