I don't mind, honestly. But I'm glad you managed to get the topic out before Folgate forced it onto me. Our own conversation might have gone differently otherwise.
[There's dry amusement in it, but it quickly fades into an awkward, brief silence.]
Is there... somewhere we could have this discussion in person, doctor?
[And 'soon' is probably a bit quicker than anticipated, since Arthur is still a bit on edge at the moment, but a few minutes later there's the tell-tale rap of Arthur's cane on the door.]
The shoe is very much on the other foot now; it's Arthur feeling nervous as he walks in, giving the direction of Sheehan's voice a warm smile regardless.
"Thank you, doctor." At least he can find the couch easily, but he keeps his cane in his lap today, so he has something slightly more surreptitious to fiddle with.
He finds the coffee to nurse in his lap as he thinks. He hadn't cone here with any sort of goal or script in mind, so he's internally floundering quite a bit, but that's never stopped him before.
"R-right. Well." He takes a sip just to give him something to focus on besides his own spiralling nerves. "I just... I wanted to apologise for my- my reaction, to your-" he feels his face heat up, despite himself. "Your news, the other day, but-- moreover I wanted to reassure you that--"
He takes a breath and sighs. Fuck, why was this so hard from the other side?? That seems cruel and unusual.
"I still want to be- w-whatever we are, now, doctor. You're still one of my best friends on this ship, someone I care- deeply about. I don't want to lose you, and that means- I can't push you away because of my own fears, any more than I'd let someone else harm you over me."
Sheehan lets a bit of tension out of his shoulders. "That's good to know. And, for what it's worth, I didn't take it badly at all. It was - well, it's not something you'd expect to hear."
He taps his finger against the cup. "I should apologize, too. For springing it on you."
The huff that comes out of him is more a release of tension than a real laugh, but his shoulders still relax a bit, as does his grip on the coffee cup.
"I-I'm not sure there's ever really a brilliant time for it, especially given our- our situations," he comments wryly, gaze tilted down a little so he can pretend he doesn't have to acknowledge his cheeks still burning. "But-- I am glad you told me."
"Because I know what it's like," he says, softer than he means to. "To have the words trapped in your chest, to- to not get to say them to the person that ought to hear them. And... always, I would rather say what I mean and, and live with the consequences - than let something like that weigh me down forever."
"Maybe you're right," he agrees with a smile. "I do feel better. But I never wanted to...say anything and then add a burden to you."
And Sheehan didn't want to pressure him into anything. Asking for something utterly ridiculous like a relationship is - complicated. Far too big to comprehend right now. Loving Arthur and being cared for in return is safe and comfortable.
That gets a grin around his coffee. "Doctor, if your burden for me is that you love me, then you're still a far better report than most of my last month has been. Please don't ever assume I take your kindness for granted."
But he gives a slightly sharper huff, with a brief smile. "Still, the fact that you said that- things don't have to change. It did take some of that pressure off.
He nods. "Mm, I did say that. And I meant it. I'm not - looking for anything out of this. Out of you. But really, you can't blame me after you rushed in with a goddamn sword to save me from an honest to go monster. What was I supposed to do?"
It was the same feeling he got when Una saved him from the mugger.
He doesn't want to think about what that actually means.
A laugh bubbles out of him as his cheeks go bright red.
"Christ, was that what did it? I only had the sword out so I didn't accidentally shoot you, doctor, I was hardly going out of my way to impress." He hides his face in his mug but it doesn't quite cover his bashful smile. "You needed help. What else was I supposed to do?"
"I think I'm short a few pieces if you're after the whole knight affair, doctor." But the blush hasn't really gone down, as he lowers his cup anyway. "I've made most of my way through life on wits and grace alone."
"We can't all be dashing, unfortunately. I suppose I'll leave that to the other men. Not that I - actually pursue that. Norton was very - confusing about the whole thing."
He waves a hand. "Ah, I don't think it matters at this point. And I wish I could say I was surprised that he went to you."
Dashing again - Arthur sits up a little straighter, more or less without thinking, with a prim little smile.
"Knowing Folgate's type, frankly I'm shocked he didn't come to me sooner about it," he comments back easily. "Apparently he must think quite highly of you to give you even that brief opportunity to break the news for yourself."
"God." He can't roll his own but the energy is there as he takes a drink. "Is there anyone else I ought to be worried about coming out of the woodwork to helpfully inform me?"
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2023-10-26 12:09 pm (UTC)[He will do no such thing, but he sighs.]
Sorry about that. It was meant to be general advice. No names. But I let it slip by accident.
Our discussion wasn't actually about you, but my - feelings in general.
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Date: 2023-10-26 12:17 pm (UTC)[There's dry amusement in it, but it quickly fades into an awkward, brief silence.]
Is there... somewhere we could have this discussion in person, doctor?
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Date: 2023-10-26 12:25 pm (UTC)I'm in my cabin, if that's acceptable?
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Date: 2023-10-26 12:54 pm (UTC)[And 'soon' is probably a bit quicker than anticipated, since Arthur is still a bit on edge at the moment, but a few minutes later there's the tell-tale rap of Arthur's cane on the door.]
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Date: 2023-10-26 12:58 pm (UTC)He thought he would be nervous, thought he'd feel a lot of things in just seeing him again, but mostly he's just - pleasantly content.
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Date: 2023-10-26 01:11 pm (UTC)"Thank you, doctor." At least he can find the couch easily, but he keeps his cane in his lap today, so he has something slightly more surreptitious to fiddle with.
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Date: 2023-10-26 01:17 pm (UTC)"So. What's on your mind?"
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Date: 2023-10-26 10:07 pm (UTC)"R-right. Well." He takes a sip just to give him something to focus on besides his own spiralling nerves. "I just... I wanted to apologise for my- my reaction, to your-" he feels his face heat up, despite himself. "Your news, the other day, but-- moreover I wanted to reassure you that--"
He takes a breath and sighs. Fuck, why was this so hard from the other side?? That seems cruel and unusual.
"I still want to be- w-whatever we are, now, doctor. You're still one of my best friends on this ship, someone I care- deeply about. I don't want to lose you, and that means- I can't push you away because of my own fears, any more than I'd let someone else harm you over me."
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Date: 2023-10-26 10:22 pm (UTC)He taps his finger against the cup. "I should apologize, too. For springing it on you."
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Date: 2023-10-26 10:33 pm (UTC)"I-I'm not sure there's ever really a brilliant time for it, especially given our- our situations," he comments wryly, gaze tilted down a little so he can pretend he doesn't have to acknowledge his cheeks still burning. "But-- I am glad you told me."
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Date: 2023-10-26 10:40 pm (UTC)He would be grateful, but still confused.
"Why is that?"
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Date: 2023-10-26 11:03 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-10-26 11:09 pm (UTC)And Sheehan didn't want to pressure him into anything. Asking for something utterly ridiculous like a relationship is - complicated. Far too big to comprehend right now. Loving Arthur and being cared for in return is safe and comfortable.
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Date: 2023-10-26 11:29 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-10-26 11:54 pm (UTC)But he's smiling as he says it.
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Date: 2023-10-26 11:59 pm (UTC)But he gives a slightly sharper huff, with a brief smile. "Still, the fact that you said that- things don't have to change. It did take some of that pressure off.
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Date: 2023-10-27 12:03 am (UTC)It was the same feeling he got when Una saved him from the mugger.
He doesn't want to think about what that actually means.
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Date: 2023-10-27 12:11 am (UTC)"Christ, was that what did it? I only had the sword out so I didn't accidentally shoot you, doctor, I was hardly going out of my way to impress." He hides his face in his mug but it doesn't quite cover his bashful smile. "You needed help. What else was I supposed to do?"
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Date: 2023-10-27 12:19 am (UTC)And God, it's lovely to see that smile and know that he doesn't have to hide anything now. Making him blush is actually...very funny.
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Date: 2023-10-27 12:38 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-10-27 12:51 am (UTC)He waves a hand. "Ah, I don't think it matters at this point. And I wish I could say I was surprised that he went to you."
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Date: 2023-10-27 01:00 am (UTC)"Knowing Folgate's type, frankly I'm shocked he didn't come to me sooner about it," he comments back easily. "Apparently he must think quite highly of you to give you even that brief opportunity to break the news for yourself."
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Date: 2023-10-27 01:02 am (UTC)And he rolls his eyes. "I'm not actually upset with him. He really can't help it."
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Date: 2023-10-27 01:06 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-10-27 01:12 am (UTC)Which seems important.
"Una won't say anything to you until I let her know that you've already been told."
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