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[heyboss]

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[tarakan]

It is easier to implement human trials and inject your coworkers with experimental vaccine when you are only doctor to check on their vitals.

Ethical? Certainly not. But it was option given to me that I took.

[heyboss]

[A nod.]

That has to do with what we talked about last time? [Just in case Hilbert was too hungover to remember.]

[tarakan]

[ Huh. Wait. What did they talk about last time?

(Yes. He was too hungover) ]

About Decima virus? Yes. That is what I injected Crozier with. [ which Sheehan already knows about. ]

[heyboss]

And Eiffel. That's what we talked about.

[He idly wonders if they should start recording these sessions like he used to.]

[tarakan]

And Eiffel. That is why he was brought on Hephaestus mission to begin with - to serve as test subject.

[heyboss]

So you have no pleasant memories of that trip?

[tarakan]

Most of pleasant memories start after I was outed as horrible traitor who was tasked with killing entire crew should something go wrong.

[ there's a small pause before, ]

Most pleasant memories were on previous Hephaestus mission. I was still tasked with killing entire crew should something go wrong. And...I did just that. But there was time before it all went wrong that I think I was happy.

[heyboss]

[Another nod and a long pause.]

Tell me about that time?

[tarakan]

There were six of us at start. Lovelace. Lambert. Hui. Fisher. Fourier. Myself. Lovelace and Lambert argued over slightest thing. Hui was more than willing to take risky maneuver for possibility of seeing something phenomenal. Fisher talked about as much as I did. Fourier was...young. Bright. Smart. Saw through my schemes at the end of it.

We argued more often than not. But there were moments where things were nice. Fourier and Hui attempted to drag me into book swap until they realized I have unique concept of pleasure reading.

[heyboss]

[He's writing but not looking at anything but Hilbert with a smile.]

What happened? What do you consider pleasure reading?

[tarakan]

Nonfiction. I like to read to learn. Hui and Fourier's taste leaned more towards Jane Austen, H.P. Lovecraft.

Believe I was removed from book club when I offered them new study on radiation to read.

[heyboss]

[He smiles.]

Sounds like you were trying to get them to learn about your interests.

[tarakan]

Novel way of putting it. One that I have not thought about before.

[heyboss]

Sometimes it helps to reframe.

[He looks away a moment, thinking, and then back to him.]

What other pleasant memories do you have?

[tarakan]

Most are on Barge, [ he admits, with a shrug. There's a moment as Hilbert thinks things over before, ]

There was one port that involved cheese racing. One cheese seemed to be slightly sentient. Crozier and I cornered it to take samples to see if I could cultivate even better cheese to win race.

It was objectively ridiculous. But I had fun.

[heyboss]

[Sheehan just laughs.]

Objectively ridiculous can be a good thing.

Crozier, though. You enjoyed his company, didn't you?

[tarakan]

I did. There are very few people who have ever been on Barge that I could call friend. He is one of them.

[heyboss]

[Sheehan smiles a little, off to the side.]

He was easy to like.

Who else would fall in that category?

[tarakan]

Mandrake. Eiffel. John Silver. Trevor Belmont.

[ A small pause before, ]

That is it, I suspect. I enjoy company of Ken and Allan, but as one is my inmate and the other is inmate's long-term right-here normal-commitment full-time boyfriend, relationship is a bit different from 'friend.'

[heyboss]

[That gets a little laugh from Sheehan. KenandAllan are - odd to him.]

It is, of course.

How have they taken the news of what happened?

[tarakan]

Poorly. Eiffel was livid, Silver and Trevor were just as angry.

[ Ken and Allan...who knows, man. ]

It felt nice to have my own anger validated.

[heyboss]

It helps when we can normalize those feelings.

[He links his hands together.]

Alright, I want you to try something a little - risky for me. I'd like for you to start reading over those conversations from friends in the safety of your room, and then play the song. Focus on their words for as long as you can. Whatever strong emotion that you feel, I want you to feel it.

I will stand outside of your room to ensure no one enters.

When you come back to yourself, you can open the door.

[tarakan]

[ Hilbert's hesitating. But there's a moment, after he pauses, before he decides, ]

Alright. Shall we go to my room now?

[heyboss]

If you think you're ready. If you need a few days, that's fine, too. We're doing this at your pace, Doctor.

[He rubs the back of his neck.]

[tarakan]

No. Let us do it today. I do not want to hesitate on matters like this.