He eyes the communicator and shakes his head. "Because it - it doesn't matter. At least, not to me. And I imagine the answer is not that you enjoy it, but that it is simply something you do. Do I enjoy getting up and getting dressed every day? Not really because it's just something I do. I get some enjoyment out of choosing the right clothes and matching colors, but I don't get enjoyment out of the act of dressing." He looks up to Max. "Am I close?"
"Ah, a little power and control. I understand. You take what you can get in a world that doesn't give you a damn thing." He smiles. "Thank you for telling me, Max."
That... wasn't what he was expecting. But it does make him think. It makes him pause in the hallway, and his typing is slow, plodding, clearly as careful as his thinking.
When you're in the trials, it feels like you have all the power and control. Even when they get away, they can't hurt you.
But I've been thinking about it.
Nothing I did effected anything. It was always the same. And I could only work on my chainsaw. And I didn't get to have my friends. That's not really power or control, is it?
"You're right," he agrees after he reads through. "It's not. But it's what you knew at the time. Now you know better. That's - what happens here. You get to know better. Learn more. Gain perspective."
"Yes it does, Max. It means a lot. You can only control yourself and what you know and do." He places a hand on his arm. "It does get frustrating when others don't see it, though."
There's a noise that says he's feeling a lot more complex and hard to tear into pieces bits but he's not going to look a gift horse in the mouth, not when it comes with a rare soft touch. He'd have startled if Justine hadn't been getting him more used to it. As it is, he just gives a slightly distracted nod.
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timeasmymeasure
Re: after fitz's post
Date: 2025-02-20 02:35 am (UTC)Re: after fitz's post
Date: 2025-03-03 01:58 am (UTC)Yes and no.
It feels good being good at something.
And it feels good making sure people can't hurt me or lock me up. Not being scared.
Re: after fitz's post
Date: 2025-03-03 02:08 am (UTC)Re: after fitz's post
Date: 2025-03-03 02:16 am (UTC)When you're in the trials, it feels like you have all the power and control. Even when they get away, they can't hurt you.
But I've been thinking about it.
Nothing I did effected anything. It was always the same. And I could only work on my chainsaw. And I didn't get to have my friends. That's not really power or control, is it?
Re: after fitz's post
Date: 2025-03-03 02:26 am (UTC)Re: after fitz's post
Date: 2025-03-03 02:27 am (UTC)Doesn't mean anything if other people don't learn and gain perspective.
Re: after fitz's post
Date: 2025-03-03 02:32 am (UTC)Re: after fitz's post
Date: 2025-03-03 02:34 am (UTC)Re: after fitz's post
Date: 2025-03-03 02:51 am (UTC)Re: after fitz's post [good fade?]
Date: 2025-05-05 12:51 am (UTC)