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From:

heyboss

"Doctor Varker..." he says with a sigh. "I'm very sorry. That is a lot to carry around with you."

He doesn't say anything else at the moment, just lets it sit for a moment. Let's that genuine empathy linger.

From:

cameclosest

Varker nods, taking the moment to finish off his borrowed cigarette.

"That unfortunately isn't even half of it. But give me a minute, it's...a lot to walk you through."

From:

heyboss

"I have all morning," he assures him.

From:

cameclosest

"If it would take me all morning to recount might as well just make another attempt." The implied 'on my life' remains unspoken as he rubs his face.

"Sorry, that isn't funny." He sniffs, glancing around to see if there was any place to put out his butt aside from his own hand.

From:

heyboss

There's an ashtray on the dresser that Sheehan hands to him.

"It isn't, but if making the joke helps you get to the art you want to say, then it's alright."

Edited Date: 2025-09-08 04:46 pm (UTC)

From:

cameclosest

He stubs the button out into it, setting it between them on the bed. "It's a bad habit I picked up from the interns, tends to put you off if you aren't familiar with their sense or humor."

Still, thats enough stalling. He can get into the meat of it, "anyways, Simon, he was always a very driven, aggressively passionate person. I told you about him threatening to burn a child's house down for bullying his son, yes?" He's sure Sheehan can guess what losing that child did to him, but...

"He wanted to bring Mackenzie back. Which, if I was anyone else, might think he was already insane, approaching me with a statement like that, but...in college I'd done that, brought a plant back to life, given it sentience, immortality." He shakes his head, "he became obsessed with it...and I watched that obsession consume what was left of him."

From:

heyboss

"You did."

And he can imagine how that would have consumed someone. Burned them from the inside.

He just lets him continue.

From:

cameclosest

Varker doesn't want to get into the details with Sheehan. About lying to Steward, seeing the alarming number of missing persons reports going up even for a large city like San Francisco for years, knowing they were connected to Simon somehow and drowning all of it, his responsibility, his friendship, his life in alcohol to avoid it.

The relevant parts didn't need that context, "I had refused to help him with what would amount to illegal, unethical human experimentation, but over the years, regardless of whether or not I thought I had saved myself from Simon's new hell, he dragged Steward and I into it anyways. It's...why I look like this, partially why Steward died, why I died. It wasn't just about his son any more. He wanted me to suffer, to understand what he went through." And while it hasn't been six years, it feels like it.

Grief has a way of slowing down the time, making is pass so painfully slow. "I...think I deserved it, but Stew? His life was cut short for the sole purpose of hurting me, and I...don't want to put myself in the position to continue to repeat the cycle, come full circle with anyone else. I need... space, or i feel like i might just come out the other side as changed and bitter as Simon was."

From:

heyboss

"No one deserves that, Doctor Varker, but - I know that's not something you and I can agree on now."

But he can't let that slide. He simply sits back in his chair. "So what does space look like for you?"

From:

cameclosest

He can appreciate Sheehan letting up on that point even if he still expresses his opinion. It isnt the point, even if maybe it is.

Varker stares at the floor, his fingers rubbing and bumping together anxiously as a much needed distraction. "I think I'm still finding it...but I don't want to be treated like im fragile. If I get mad, then I get mad, but maybe its just keeping in mind that my problems, the things that upset me are mine to look out for. A-and I don't want her to be overly considerate, to remove obstacles before I've even tried to climb over them. All it does is piss me off and make it worse, every time."

From:

heyboss

He nods. "I think that's a fair ask, actually," he assures him. "Do you want me to keep the details quiet when I speak with her?"

From:

cameclosest

Varker might be a coward but he does still enjoy being challenged when hes in the right place for it. It comes and goes much like inspiration, but its still there. Leaving him on the bunny slope just lets his mind wander too much, causes more problems.

"I don't care...im sure she would find out eventually anyways. Might as well be when I feel like ive given permission rather than not."

From:

heyboss

"I'm not in the habit of spilling secrets. But I will tell her to ask you about it directly."

Because he isn't going to let Varker be completely behind the scenes.

From:

cameclosest

Varker glances over at Sheehan, irritated that he won't just do it all for him, but knows better than to complain.

"I suppose that is better to hear it from me. She's smart at least, so I wont have to deal with her taking what ive said and running away with it like some idiots on board." Some people just want to believe he's a murderer and after a few attempts he's lost the desire to change their mind.

From:

heyboss

"No. Sokie's worst enemy is herself," he says because it's the most obvious statement he could think of making.

"And it will be alright."

From:

cameclosest

"Not that it matters what she thinks about me, but we are...friends. In our own way. I want her to be happy without trying to hide it from me in the chance that it might upset me." And he sees that she seems to be working far too hard to accommodate people.

In his opinion she should cut that right out, at least with her wedding in mind.

From:

heyboss

"I understand," he assures him. "And - thank you. For trusting me with this."

From:

cameclosest

Varker shakes his head, "you take it seriously, and actually listen. I'm not sure there is a better choice for it on board, at least for me. You dont have to thank me for recognizing it."

From:

heyboss

"No, I do. Because I appreciate it. It makes me feel like I'm doing something right." He stands up and holds down a hand to Varker to help him stand, as well. "I'll let you know how it goes."

From:

cameclosest

Varker takes the offered hand to stand, "hopefully well. I think I'm going to go back to sleep while I still can."

Pausing in the doorway, he turns, "and you are, by the way. Doing things right. Its more than just a feeling you might have, if you were doubting it."

From:

heyboss

He looks away, a tinge of sheepishness crossing his features as he opens the door for Varker to walk him out.

He doesn't think he needs to say anything else. He just nods.

From:

cameclosest

Varker, more than a little hung over and ready to sleep the rest of the day away after his all-night 'rager' with Norton has said his piece, not about to call any more attention to it and embarrass the both of the more.

"Dont call me until at least one if you get to it today. I'd be in a horrible mood. I'll talk to you later, Dr. Sheehan." He warns with a nod of his head before he leaves.