[Varker is living testament to that, and while he isnt in the mood to argue its good that Sheehan doesnt take that bait.]
A few times now.
He's reminding me how to foxtrot. [And while satisfying a need for movement and being unable to grumble that it isnt fun, he isn't sure if its doing anything else.]
[He took ballroom for a few years with Stew, knows how to waltz better, though contemporary had always caught his interest, still frequented shows to see what people were doing. He felt too old for the club scene but at times he would go somewhere and watch people dance while he drank the night away.]
I don't know... obviously we have to touch, and you can't shy away from that. But it hasnt changed that I dislike how different that feels from when I had human skin.
[He's quiet a moment, swirling his drink and frowning at it before quietly adding-]
I miss casual touch, so I suppose it helps in that way, quiets the part of me that tells myself no one wants to touch me, that I'm not something to be touched.
[Varker rolls his eyes, keeps the comment that Norton would have to weigh the cost of dancing with a handsome married man against dancing with a psychiatrist to himself.]
I'm trying to. Even when I got here I tried, dressing myself as if nothing had happened. When you project confidence, it should help you feel it, even when it isnt there any more.
[He doesn't think he agrees, finds that a good fit can protect you like armor, but then what he uses it for and what he says he does are two different things.]
I swim every morning, after I get up. Norton sleeps in like a lazy slob, so I usually don't have to bother with him until at least ten.
[He sucks his teeth before quietly continuing.] And then I go to work in office or from home depending on how I feel. [read: how drunk I end up getting] and those are the two constants.
Everything else is... well. I don't know. Plans fall apart too easily here.
[He sighs at that. He hates to think of his friends fighting with anyone, but knowing that he was out there hurting him, getting into fights...it's upsetting.]
I can barely classify it as a failure when it was left unfinished.
[He can fail, he does it all the time, but the abruptness of being unable to continue trying left a poor taste in his mouth. On that lingers far longer than the burn of whiskey.
He slides his glass back over to Sheehan, perhaps looking to cash in on more pity.]
I should stop talking about it or else I'll just end up pissing myself off.
[Sheehan looks him dead in the face and downs the rest of the bottle on his own. If they're going to be sitting here as friends, then Varker gets to see Sheehan be a friend.]
[Varker, to his credit stares at Sheehan with wide eyes, not having expected that before he does a double take of the bottle and then Sheehan again.
Varker's body is processing the alcohol in his system as he sits here, faster and more efficiently than any human body could. If it wasn't, he would have been dead multiple times over. Drinking a fifth of whiskey or what ever had been left in that bottle can't be good for his entirely mundane, human friend.]
He might have a problem, but Sheehan doesnt, and as much as he's not dealing well with a certain priest getting sober, this is different.
He might ask too much of his friend, but he doesn't want his self destruction to be pushed against like this. It's pricking his temper in the worst way.
Re: Audio
Date: 2026-02-04 09:14 pm (UTC)A few times now.
He's reminding me how to foxtrot. [And while satisfying a need for movement and being unable to grumble that it isnt fun, he isn't sure if its doing anything else.]
Re: Audio
Date: 2026-02-06 02:17 am (UTC)And? What do you get out of it?
Re: Audio
Date: 2026-02-06 02:41 am (UTC)[He took ballroom for a few years with Stew, knows how to waltz better, though contemporary had always caught his interest, still frequented shows to see what people were doing. He felt too old for the club scene but at times he would go somewhere and watch people dance while he drank the night away.]
I don't know... obviously we have to touch, and you can't shy away from that. But it hasnt changed that I dislike how different that feels from when I had human skin.
[He's quiet a moment, swirling his drink and frowning at it before quietly adding-]
I miss casual touch, so I suppose it helps in that way, quiets the part of me that tells myself no one wants to touch me, that I'm not something to be touched.
Re: Audio
Date: 2026-02-07 01:44 am (UTC)[He doesn't let that question linger, though. He just nods.]
It's good then. You need to retrain your thoughts, Doctor Varker.
Re: Audio
Date: 2026-02-07 02:04 am (UTC)I'm trying to. Even when I got here I tried, dressing myself as if nothing had happened. When you project confidence, it should help you feel it, even when it isnt there any more.
But I'm slipping.
Re: Audio
Date: 2026-02-08 01:20 am (UTC)But now, having been here a while?
[He looks at him, expectant.]
Re: Audio
Date: 2026-02-08 01:42 am (UTC)I swim every morning, after I get up. Norton sleeps in like a lazy slob, so I usually don't have to bother with him until at least ten.
[He sucks his teeth before quietly continuing.] And then I go to work in office or from home depending on how I feel. [read: how drunk I end up getting] and those are the two constants.
Everything else is... well. I don't know. Plans fall apart too easily here.
Re: Audio
Date: 2026-02-09 01:53 am (UTC)[He doesn't know for sure, but it's something that's worked. For him and others. Maybe it can help Varker. Or at least...not make it worse?]
Re: Audio
Date: 2026-02-09 02:10 am (UTC)Re: Audio
Date: 2026-02-09 08:31 pm (UTC)Haunting the pool?
Re: Audio
Date: 2026-02-09 08:41 pm (UTC)He worked there, gave me looks when I was in the pool, refused to look at me when I wasnt.
Complete asshole. [He doesn't miss him at all. Not one bit.]
Re: Audio
Date: 2026-02-10 02:18 am (UTC)Re: Audio
Date: 2026-02-10 02:37 am (UTC)We kept getting into fights. I punched him twice, Audrey tried to drown him in the pool.
He had a bad habit of not fucking listening.
Re: Audio
Date: 2026-02-11 01:34 am (UTC)He had his own ideas.
Re: Audio
Date: 2026-02-11 01:47 am (UTC)[Varker's jaw clenches as he says so, watching the shark meandering in it's tank.
The urge to throw something so he doesn't get too emotional is rising, thinking about Vash and his stupid fucking face.]
I thought if I could change his mind, maybe I'd actually have some hope of graduating.
Re: Audio
Date: 2026-02-12 02:15 am (UTC)[His smile falters a little.]
That would just be cruel.
Re: Audio
Date: 2026-02-12 02:26 am (UTC)[He glares down at his empty glass.]
Doesn't matter now anyways, he's gone and I doubt he remembers this place or a word I've said to him.
Re: Audio
Date: 2026-02-13 02:31 am (UTC)[Which he has to remind himself about every day.]
Re: Audio
Date: 2026-02-13 02:57 am (UTC)[He can fail, he does it all the time, but the abruptness of being unable to continue trying left a poor taste in his mouth. On that lingers far longer than the burn of whiskey.
He slides his glass back over to Sheehan, perhaps looking to cash in on more pity.]
I should stop talking about it or else I'll just end up pissing myself off.
Re: Audio
Date: 2026-02-13 03:54 am (UTC)Oh fuck...
[Maybe it wasn't a good idea.]
Re: Audio
Date: 2026-02-13 04:06 am (UTC)Varker's body is processing the alcohol in his system as he sits here, faster and more efficiently than any human body could. If it wasn't, he would have been dead multiple times over. Drinking a fifth of whiskey or what ever had been left in that bottle can't be good for his entirely mundane, human friend.]
Christ, what the fuck did you do that for?
You're going to make yourself sick.
Re: Audio
Date: 2026-02-13 04:02 pm (UTC)I - [And he hesitates here, trying to get his feet under him. Trying to keep it all down.]
I am the cleric to a merciful god with a sense of humor. I'm fine.
Re: Audio
Date: 2026-02-13 04:11 pm (UTC)He might have a problem, but Sheehan doesnt, and as much as he's not dealing well with a certain priest getting sober, this is different.
He might ask too much of his friend, but he doesn't want his self destruction to be pushed against like this. It's pricking his temper in the worst way.
He stands himself, catching the other man's arm.]
Get up, I'm taking you to the bathroom.
Re: Audio
Date: 2026-02-14 03:08 am (UTC)[He leans heavily on Varker, his eyes closing.]
Re: Audio
Date: 2026-02-14 03:12 am (UTC)[He has half a mind to yank him along, but as surprised and angry as he is, he can't do it. He sighs, heavily and marches them toward the bathroom.]
At least I don't have to hold your hair back, but I hope you have a tie clip or you're going to be a mess.
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