heyboss | IC Inbox

Avoidance, probably.

Would I be right?

Yup.

[She pops the p.]

I think my reasons are valid, though.

What are your reasons?

They're related to my deal. But if this place isn't real, then the deal is bull, and maybe I'd rather just move on and not think about it.

And that's thinking of the future. Living in the what if.

I guess. What's your point?

Does it make your life easier to do that?

Just putting one foot in front of the other and trying not to think about my deal?

["Easier" feels like the wrong word. She has fewer issues with her chest and throat tightening up on her when she does her best not to think about Root being dead forever. But thinking about her - her imagined presence - had been a comfort both in captivity and on the Barge, and now that she's trying to excise that, the loss feels like sinking into a deep, dark, empty ocean, just like it had in the day between her death and the Admiral making his offer.

There's a quiet thunking sound from her end of the line.]

I don't know. I, uh, I-- yeah, I don't know. I can still do my job.

Maybe. But that's not what I asked.

Does living in the future, thinking about tye what if, planning for something that may not be true...does that make your life easier? Does that give your day to day any benefit?

I don't--

[A pause. ]

Yes.

More benefit than not?

[Nearly an hour goes by before she answers - and when she finally does, her voice sounds flatter than usual, and miles more tired.]

I'm sick of living in fantasy worlds. I've had enough of that. If she's dead for good, if they recaptured me and the whole deal thing is just a lie that I was stupid and desperate enough to believe, I'd rather just stop thinking about her as much as possible. I'd rather put everything about her in a box in my head and lock it.

[She gives no explanation whatsoever of who "she" is.]

I'm so sick of not knowing what's real and what isn't.

[His response is immediate.]

It's exhausting to live like that.

Who's she?

Friend of mine.

[Very informative, Shaw.]

Of course.

A close friend?

Mmhm.

Is she your deal?

Yeah.

It seems like you don't want to talk about her.

I don't really know what to say. Is there a point in talking about her?

I think there is, but you're the one that would have to do the work. So it's up to you.

And what would that point be, Sheehan?

Might help. Might be no point.

I get why it would help other people.

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