heyboss | IC Inbox

You're viewing

heyboss's journal
Create a Dreamwidth Account Learn More

Reload page in style: site light

heyboss

Video | Audio | Text | Spam

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only | Expand All

From:

killingtool

That makes him frown and start typing in a little.

Aren't you supposed to fix me? Doesn't that mean you gotta punish me for what I done?

From:

heyboss

"Punish you?"

He shakes his head. "No, Max. This is not about punishment. If punishment like you know worked, you'd have a much different life. We all would, I think."

From:

killingtool

Then what?

What is this?

Why does he want him to have what he needs?

You can't raise me up right, Doc. It already happened. I'm already a monster.

From:

heyboss

"That's alright," he says as they walk and he means it. "I'm not here to raise you. I'm here to help you counteract the raising you were given."

From:

killingtool

Wait, what?

How's that work?

From:

heyboss

He looks over and shrugs. "It depends on you. We'll work on you learning new ways of doing things. New values about yourself. We're going to take everything you were taught about yourself and how the world works and we're going to challenge it. And then you'll learn how to challenge your views on your own until you're able to do this independently."

From:

killingtool

That all sounds so simple. It can't be that simple. People can't change that much. They don't change that much.

But he won't say that.

How'd you learn all that?

From:

heyboss

That gets a sheepish chuckle. He hadn't really explained. "I'm a psychiatrist," he explains. "A doctor for the mind."

From:

killingtool

That makes him stop.

I ain't crazy.

From:

heyboss

Sheehan looks back at him. "No one said you were, Max. But you've been touched by trauma, by hard things in your life. That changed the way you saw the world and how you react to it."

From:

killingtool

He looks wary, though. But he'll keep walking along with him. Slower.

I'm not weak either. I'm strong.

From:

heyboss

He looks at the sentence. "I know that, Max. I know that you are. You're strong. You're clever. You're brave. But I want you to think about the mind like any other part of your body. You have to maintain it. Keep it strong, too. Heal it when it hurts. We all do."

From:

killingtool

Some of his wariness falters at that, because that makes sense. He can't help but be a little skittish as he catches up.

I never saw that on the tv.

From:

heyboss

"We come from a time when people don't know a lot about psychology and the brain. But I was doing my best to learn all about it because it was important to me," he explains.

From:

killingtool

Did someone you care about get their brain all mucked up?

From:

heyboss

He nods. "Yes, Max. I had a patient that I grew very fond of, but he was too far gone," he explains.

"My first deal was to help him."

From:

killingtool

Oh. That's sad. He hobbles along beside him, considering what he wants to say. Being gentle ain't anything he knows in person. He's seen it on the television but

Well, he doesn't think Doc'll get mad if he's bad at this.

I'm sorry about your friend. I hope it's better now.

From:

heyboss

"It is," he tells him. "Yeah. It's much better. I went to check on him and he's - got himself a nice life now."

From:

killingtool

He's watching Sheehan carefully and it's obvious there's more to it than he's saying but he's not going to press. Doc's been good to him. No reason to make things hard on him.

I'm glad. For both of you.

From:

heyboss

"Me, too." He nods and takes another drink as they descend the stairs. "Now. Does that help answer your questions? Anything else you want to ask me?"

From:

killingtool

He shakes his head. Then something occurs to him.

You haven't asked me if I enjoyed what I was doing but everyone else has. Why not?

From:

heyboss

He eyes the communicator and shakes his head. "Because it - it doesn't matter. At least, not to me. And I imagine the answer is not that you enjoy it, but that it is simply something you do. Do I enjoy getting up and getting dressed every day? Not really because it's just something I do. I get some enjoyment out of choosing the right clothes and matching colors, but I don't get enjoyment out of the act of dressing." He looks up to Max. "Am I close?"

From:

killingtool

Sheehan's given him so much. It's why he's going to give him the answer he's only given to one other person.

Yes and no.

It feels good being good at something.

And it feels good making sure people can't hurt me or lock me up. Not being scared.

From:

heyboss

"Ah, a little power and control. I understand. You take what you can get in a world that doesn't give you a damn thing." He smiles. "Thank you for telling me, Max."

From:

killingtool

That... wasn't what he was expecting. But it does make him think. It makes him pause in the hallway, and his typing is slow, plodding, clearly as careful as his thinking.

When you're in the trials, it feels like you have all the power and control. Even when they get away, they can't hurt you.

But I've been thinking about it.

Nothing I did effected anything. It was always the same. And I could only work on my chainsaw. And I didn't get to have my friends. That's not really power or control, is it?