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[heyboss]

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[reargunner]

[He nearly doesn't reply. He can avoid Sheehan, right?

But...]

I nearly ruined someone's life.
I could have got him killed. Or worse.

I fucked up, Lester, so much, and I

I didn't feel like I had a choice.

[heyboss]

What was the choice? To ruin his life or what? What would have happened to you?

[reargunner]

They would have sent me back to prison.

I just wanted to go home.

[heyboss]

That isn't a fair choice at all. But the fact that you feel guilty is telling.

[reargunner]

Of course I feel guilty.

I'm not a monster.

[heyboss]

No, you aren't. But I already knew that.

So how do you want to start?

[reargunner]

If I knew that I wouldn't be asking you about it.

[heyboss]

Of course. I gave you something to think about, though. So now you can practice it, if you'd like.

[reargunner]

Didn't give me anything to think about that hasn't already been on my mind for months.

This isn't a new problem. Just... one that's going to need addressing pretty fucking soon.

[heyboss]

Don't start with sorry.

Start with acknowledging the hurt. And the impact it had on the other person.

[reargunner]

I don't even know where to start.

[heyboss]

Name it. Name the feelings.

'I know that when I did - whatever it is that you did - I made you feel - '

[reargunner]

I can't just say it like that!

[heyboss]

Why not?

[reargunner]

It's not enough.

[heyboss]

That's why it's a start, Cain. It's not the whole thing. It's just the introduction.

[reargunner]

So what happens after that.

[heyboss]

You say it. You let them respond, if they want to. Then you talk about your apology. You state exactly what it is that you're apologizing for, and it has to be something you did, something you can take responsibility for.

The next piece is how you plan on preventing the same thing from happening in the future.

[reargunner]

He should hate me.

Whatever you're thinking it is that I might have done, it's probably not that.

[heyboss]

I'm not thinking anything.

And if he hates you, then that's his right, Cain. Unfortunately. But if you're truly sorry, then it isn't about maintaining a relationship. You're trying to make amends and repair damage that you did.

[reargunner]

He doesn't hate me. He should but he doesn't.

It's Abel. He's the one I

It makes it more complicated that it's him.

[heyboss]

What makes it more complicated?

[reargunner]

If I tell you

It's going to change how you look at me.

[heyboss]

I can almost guarantee that it won't.

I am not diminishing what is likely a very big, very important secret. But I know myself. And what I have seen from people. And I know my limits.

[reargunner]

Okay.

[Okay...]

The Alliance pulled me out of prison for a 'special assignment'. Said they could use someone like me. They'd pair me up with a navigator and a starfighter with some experimental tech installed. I was supposed to get close to my partner. Make sure they felt something for me. That's how the tech works - what makes it trigger.

Abel didn't know about any of it. I pushed him into a physical relationship with me and made sure I chased off anyone who could warn him about what I was doing. I had him tailed. I spent a year making him believe I really cared about him, keeping him close, manipulating him every chance I got.

Because it was him or me, and he was my last chance to get it right. If I didn't do it I was being sent back to that hellhole. Prison on the colonies is bad. Even worse with an Alliance target on you. I couldn't afford to fail.

Then he found out about all of it.