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From:

heyboss

"I know, John. I know. And you know the immense trauma that everyone has to go through in order to be here. But - graduation isn't the only thing that matters. Family matters. Do you see how many strange and diverse little families there are here? How people have found happiness in little pockets of each other?"

He gently strokes his back. "This place isn't good for everyone."

From:

greatoldjohn

No, it isn't.

It isn't a good place for Charlie. It isn't a good place for Trevor. It isn't a good place for Alexei. The fact that it's a good place for him...

What does that say? 'Immense trauma?' Christ. He isn't denying that. But the fact of the matter is, this place fits him. It's so much less awful and so much more wonderful than anywhere else he's ever been. It's given him so many wonderful people he never would have met otherwise.

And, frankly, he's so much more terrified of the real world, of going back, of trying to live some place where he's going to have to hide so much

I know.

From:

heyboss

"John..."

He gently cups the little cat's face in his hands. "What aren't you telling me?"

From:

greatoldjohn

The cat looks distinctly cornered for a moment before the eyes close and he nuzzles against his hand.

Everyone hates this place. I don't.

I love it. I love this place. I know I'll have to leave one day and I don't want to.

But it hurts everyone else.

From:

heyboss

"Oh John," he murmurs softly and drops a kiss on top of his head. "It must be disheartening to hear how miserable everyone else feels. But there is...nothing wrong with that. With how you feel."

From:

greatoldjohn

Really?

That? Is skepticism.

It would be nice if that was true. But it's not. Not really.

From:

heyboss

"Yes, John. It is true. It would be wrong if their suffering was what caused you happiness, but - that isn't it. Tell me exactly what it is about this place that you enjoy," he mutters.

From:

greatoldjohn

I can change day in and day out and no one really minds. I can be a cat or a bird or a snake and it's fine. I can tell people who and what I am honestly and it's fine. I can be masculine or feminine and it's fine. I can kiss a man in public and it's fine. I can tell people Arthur is my other half and it's fine. I can use my power and no one loses their mind as long as I'm careful. People with huge amounts of power have to use it responsibly or they'll lose it. There's a way to help everyone. There's a path for everyone. Everyone here can change for the better and gets encouraged to do so. No one has to worry about money or taxes or laws or bills.

People don't stay dead. They might disappear but there's a chance that they're fine.

A pause before he looks up at Sheehan.

And it's not wrong because I enjoy their suffering. It's a problem because there are people who I'm tied to, who have tied themselves to me, and I know they want to leave someday. You, Arthur, Sokie. And I'm never going to be able to be happy about that.

From:

heyboss

He listens and he strokes the cat and he eventually pulls him into an embrace against his chest. "Those are wonderful, amazing things. They're all my favorite things about this place, too. But most of us come with a lifetime of knowledge and understanding about the place we came from. Attachment to that is hard to break." He breathes him in.

"Did I tell you that I thought about staying? That I considered returning just to tell Arthur and you that I couldn't do it. I was going to stay with Billy and Justine and get the house settled but...I couldn't do it. I'm afraid of it, a little. This place has become more like home than anything I've had before and certainly more like home than anything in Arkham."

From:

greatoldjohn

There's a soft pang that he can't help, and he burrows a little closer to Sheehan. But-

I would have understood. I'm sorry that you have to miss your son.

From:

heyboss

"He is a grown man with the woman he loves. I did not need to be there. But...I tell you that because you aren't alone. This place scares the shit out of me sometimes, and I don't agree with the Admiral on it all, but I don't want to leave," he murmurs against his fur.

From:

greatoldjohn

He's very quiet for a long moment.

...how do you think Arthur and Sokie feel?

From:

heyboss

"I think Sokie wants her freedom, but I don't think she wants to leave. And Arthur is...complicated. Because of Faroe," he mutters. She isn't the only reason it is complicated for him, but she is a big one.

From:

greatoldjohn

...do you think he's ready to actually see her yet?

From:

heyboss

"Yes. But I don't know if he believes that," Sheehan admits.

From:

greatoldjohn

That's what I meant.

What Arthur believes in this case is the most important part. Because he won't allow himself near her if he has the faintest thought that he'd hurt her.

Which-

Do you think... I'll...

That I'll be... good? for her?

From:

heyboss

"I think that you will make her life a delight. I think that you will help her to become a clever, kind, compassionate woman who will do great things for the world and be happy. I think, John, that her life would be less bright, less joyful, without you in it."

From:

greatoldjohn

There's some cautious fluttering before-

Why do you think that?

From:

heyboss

"Because that is how I feel about you. And because I know these things. I'm a doctor, remember?" he smiles.

From:

greatoldjohn

There is a skeptical look from that cat face before he smushes his cheeks against Sheehan's jaw.

I'll... try not to worry about it as much.

From:

heyboss

"You worry because it's important to you. And you care. That matters."

He yawns and leans back, unsure of whether he actually wants to get up or not.

From:

greatoldjohn

And the cat is going to melt down, as cats do, to flop on his chest. Stay right here, mister.

It doesn't help if I get too far into my head about it, though.