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From:

cameclosest

He couldn't sleep. He and Norton had watched a few episodes of bake off, drinking before they'd turned it off but even through the night, he coulsnt stop thinking about his conversation with Sokie.

Its far earlier than he normally gets up, but he manages to make himself look just about presentable, less dressed up than usual. He makes sure to set Lullabee's food out and crosses the hall, knocking on the door of one Arthur Lester and Lester Sheehan.

Hopefully the good doctor doesnt mind a house call before seven in the morning.

From:

heyboss

Sheehan answers, throwing a jacket on, though he is, at least, dressed. No one knocks this early unless it's an emergency.

"Doctor Varker. How can I help you?"

From:

cameclosest

It isnt quite an emergency, but its obvious that Varker hasn't exactly slept.

"Oh, probably in more ways I feel comfortable with asking, but I need your words. Mine don't fucking work. And I have a confession or two to make so it all makes sense." He doesn't look too happy about that, but its either this or fuck up another friendship in the exact same way as he had and suffer for it and he doesn't want to do that again.

From:

heyboss

"Okay. Do you want to come in. Arthur's in the shower, but we can go to the other room."

It is for these sorts of purposes anyway.

From:

cameclosest

He does like Arthur, but the details he's about to share with Sheehan are private. "Please."

He stands awkwardly as he waits, but will follow when Sheehan is ready to lead him in.

From:

heyboss

Sheehan takes his jacket back off and leads him inside, to the spare bedroom off to the side. "Have a seat. Tell me what's going on."

From:

cameclosest

Varker sits, glancing around the room to get comfortable before he finally turns his attention fully to Sheehan. He can't quite meet his eyes, looking just to the right of him.

"I...spoke with Sokie yesterday. About the upcoming wedding. It- it didn't go the way I wanted it to."

From:

heyboss

Sheehan doesn't command his attention, doesn't even sit across from him. He sits on the edge of the bed, a little catty corner from him.

"How did it go?"

From:

cameclosest

He takes in a breath and shakes his head, his voice unstable, "it...went how most of these sorts of talks go. Nothing I said came out how I meant it. I just... never know what to say. It's Infuriating."

From:

heyboss

He holds up a hand. "Alright. Why don't you - just start from the beginning? Tell me how it went?"

From:

cameclosest

"Sokie called me, said she and Doe needed to say something to me. And I've been actively avoiding seeing both of them at the same time. For months." He'd not wanted to deal with seeing them together. It was hard enough listening to Sokie talk about Doe, but as much as it hurt he didn't hate her for that.

She was in love, what else was she supposed to do?

"But when I came over it was just her...and she told me as fucking delicately as she could, they were getting married next month."

From:

heyboss

He nods, his hands folded. "Handling you?" he offers as a question more than a statement.

From:

cameclosest

"Handling me," he confirms, sucking in a breath before he falls back on the mattress, staring up at the ceiling.

"And I understand, to some degree, she's trying to be considerate, but...regardless of not wanting to be treated like her own happiness is a fucking affront to my own, it just feels too familiar. And I can't... I can't handle that."

From:

heyboss

Sheehan can picture the conversation and just how...well it went.

He frowns.

"And so what happened? How did you react?"

From:

cameclosest

He closes his eyes and shakes his head, "at first I asked her what she expected me to do, like I was supposed to be sitting for it and have a some kind of fit... and I told her to stop trying to treat me like glass. But like I said, it didn't come out right. She looked for a moment like I'd hurt her, so I- I tried to clarify, but she has this idea she just came up with, and maybe it's my fault, that I let her believe it...but what she's trying to protect me from isn't the part that hurts."

But because she's frustrating he gets too angry or upset before he manages to actually clarify or work through much of anything. "So I just left, before I said something else that doesn't come out the way I meant it to."

From:

heyboss

And Sokie herself has trouble with jumping to the first terrible conclusion that she lands out and finding any way of confirming it.

He believes that much.

"So you'd like to...explain better?" he wonders.

From:

cameclosest

"No." He just wants her to know without having to say anything. He's never been great at it, not like this.

The kinds of conversations where you're supposed to be honest and delicate and risk so much just for having it.

"If I could I'd just fucking scrap the lot of it, but I can't keep doing this. Letting it be until it's died from neglect... I'd ask Norton to talk with her, but he's a god damn mess himself and fucking worse than I am with this shit."

From:

heyboss

"So you want me to talk to her," he says with a nod. "That's something I can do, but - can I give you some advice?"

It's actually the same exact advice he'd given Sokie, but he would never reveal what happens in a professional session.

From:

cameclosest

"Oh, how nice of you to offer, Lester." He says as if he had actually offered rather than guessed why he had come knocking at his door at six thirty in the morning.

His head does lift though, breathing in deeply before sighing, "what?"

From:

heyboss

He smiles through the annoyance.

"Take a few seconds before responding. Five seconds will feel like an eternity, but it may help."

From:

cameclosest

Varker stares at him and his smile, listening to his advice before he lets his head fall back down onto the mattress.

"I'm not sure that will help. I might go to give myself five seconds and blink. Suddenly it's five years and I've said nothing at all."

From:

heyboss

He tucks his hands under his chin. "And would that have made it better or worse?"

From:

cameclosest

"I suppose it depends. Its fucking pathetic, but better or worse...it depends on what Sokie would do in the absence of me. Best case scenario I've lost a friend for lack of trying."