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From:

greatoldjohn

No. I don't look at that.

Ever.

From:

heyboss

He smiles, eyes still closed. I was a superhero. I saved you and Arthur and...one of my former patients...from a fire. And I got a very Superman and Lois Lane style kiss.

From:

greatoldjohn

Superman is the one that your son likes, isn't it? I don't think I've ever seen it. Is Lois Lane his wife?

From:

heyboss

Exactly. Billy and I used to watch it together.

Maybe that's why I dreamed of him. I think I'm missing him.

But no. They're not married. Just in love.

From:

greatoldjohn

That makes sense. I'm glad they're nice dreams, though.

And that you get to imagine saving them in a fun way.

From:

heyboss

Saving you, too. Since you spend so much time doing it.

He loosens his grip and sits up, rubbing his face.

From:

greatoldjohn

Doing what?

The cat will pad up into his lap now and biscuits will begin being made.

From:

heyboss

Sheehan pets him as he makes himself comfortable on the pillows.

"Saving people," he says aloud.

From:

greatoldjohn

The biscuits pause.

I help where I can. Saving people is more complicated.

Biscuits resume.

From:

heyboss

"I imagine it is. But we have that in common. Helping people."

He kisses his cat's head.

From:

greatoldjohn

I've helped one person.

He leans up into the kiss, nuzzling under Sheehan's chin afterwards.

From:

heyboss

"Only one?" he repeats.

From:

greatoldjohn

Natalie. I've only helped one person graduate.

He sounds very definite on that.

From:

heyboss

"John. Graduation is not the only thing you have to offer anyone," he points out.

From:

greatoldjohn

It's the only thing that really matters, isn't it?

He looks up, and he means that. He isn't trying to be dismissive or shitty. That's just... how it feels right now.

Everyone wants to leave here, get their deals, get their freedom. Everything else is just making sure they don't hate every second while they're doing it. It's not really helping.

From:

heyboss

"I know, John. I know. And you know the immense trauma that everyone has to go through in order to be here. But - graduation isn't the only thing that matters. Family matters. Do you see how many strange and diverse little families there are here? How people have found happiness in little pockets of each other?"

He gently strokes his back. "This place isn't good for everyone."

From:

greatoldjohn

No, it isn't.

It isn't a good place for Charlie. It isn't a good place for Trevor. It isn't a good place for Alexei. The fact that it's a good place for him...

What does that say? 'Immense trauma?' Christ. He isn't denying that. But the fact of the matter is, this place fits him. It's so much less awful and so much more wonderful than anywhere else he's ever been. It's given him so many wonderful people he never would have met otherwise.

And, frankly, he's so much more terrified of the real world, of going back, of trying to live some place where he's going to have to hide so much

I know.

From:

heyboss

"John..."

He gently cups the little cat's face in his hands. "What aren't you telling me?"

From:

greatoldjohn

The cat looks distinctly cornered for a moment before the eyes close and he nuzzles against his hand.

Everyone hates this place. I don't.

I love it. I love this place. I know I'll have to leave one day and I don't want to.

But it hurts everyone else.

From:

heyboss

"Oh John," he murmurs softly and drops a kiss on top of his head. "It must be disheartening to hear how miserable everyone else feels. But there is...nothing wrong with that. With how you feel."

From:

greatoldjohn

Really?

That? Is skepticism.

It would be nice if that was true. But it's not. Not really.

From:

heyboss

"Yes, John. It is true. It would be wrong if their suffering was what caused you happiness, but - that isn't it. Tell me exactly what it is about this place that you enjoy," he mutters.

From:

greatoldjohn

I can change day in and day out and no one really minds. I can be a cat or a bird or a snake and it's fine. I can tell people who and what I am honestly and it's fine. I can be masculine or feminine and it's fine. I can kiss a man in public and it's fine. I can tell people Arthur is my other half and it's fine. I can use my power and no one loses their mind as long as I'm careful. People with huge amounts of power have to use it responsibly or they'll lose it. There's a way to help everyone. There's a path for everyone. Everyone here can change for the better and gets encouraged to do so. No one has to worry about money or taxes or laws or bills.

People don't stay dead. They might disappear but there's a chance that they're fine.

A pause before he looks up at Sheehan.

And it's not wrong because I enjoy their suffering. It's a problem because there are people who I'm tied to, who have tied themselves to me, and I know they want to leave someday. You, Arthur, Sokie. And I'm never going to be able to be happy about that.

From:

heyboss

He listens and he strokes the cat and he eventually pulls him into an embrace against his chest. "Those are wonderful, amazing things. They're all my favorite things about this place, too. But most of us come with a lifetime of knowledge and understanding about the place we came from. Attachment to that is hard to break." He breathes him in.

"Did I tell you that I thought about staying? That I considered returning just to tell Arthur and you that I couldn't do it. I was going to stay with Billy and Justine and get the house settled but...I couldn't do it. I'm afraid of it, a little. This place has become more like home than anything I've had before and certainly more like home than anything in Arkham."

From:

greatoldjohn

There's a soft pang that he can't help, and he burrows a little closer to Sheehan. But-

I would have understood. I'm sorry that you have to miss your son.